Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to be miserable. We all expect to feel more care, consideration, love, and understanding.
But what happens when one person starts to feel unhappy with the lack of closeness in the relationship – less connection, less intimacy, less conversation, less time spent together, less appreciation, etc. and then we allow bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts.
I think it is time to step back, and have a rethink of ways to recommit to marriage and build that intimacy (both physical, emotional, and otherwise) we had from the beginning.
Intimacy includes allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerability, and trust. And these actions aren’t necessarily from all the big things but it is the little things that make a huge difference.
These little acts of kindness have got a kind of power that warms the heart and makes us feel alive. It gives us a sense of perspective and purpose that are completely unmatched by anything else.
It provides us with a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with the other person, leaving us feeling unique and valued. To further guide us through on how to improve marriage intimacy, here are 12 tips:
1. Show Gratitude
Today, most marriages fall into a negative cycle of complaint. We tend to take each other for granted or pick at each other’s faults – “you don’t care about me”, “I have to nag you to listen to me”, “you are always on calls”, are some of the common lines you throw at each other.
We forget to appreciate the little things they do but only seem to point out the one that bothers us. Instead of focusing on what your spouse needs to change, why not appreciate them for their good points and all the things they do for you.
Learn to say ‘thank you’ even for the simplest acts of kindness. Appreciate each other’s contributions, whether they are financial or emotional, don’t say it is their responsibility to do those things and as such don’t need a display of gratitude.
Call them and say, ‘Hey hon, I have been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life”, “thanks for all that you are as a person and all that you do for me and our family”.
Or you could make a list of things you love and appreciate about your significant other, even if what you are grateful for is that they exist and then email it to them.
This mindfulness (of gratitude) serves as a ‘booster shot’ as it creates tremendous connection tissue in a couple because it shows that you are aware of the other person and it increases positive feelings towards each other and elevates commitment to the marriage.
Showing gratitude is one of the best things to do to strengthen your marriage today and is a tested Tip On How To Stay In Love.
2. Show Affection
To further proceed on how to improve marriage intimacy, we’d talk about a display of affection. As we all know Human touch is one of our most basic and primal needs.
Recapture that feeling when you first started dating and all you wanted was to touch each other. How do you feel?
Allowing affection to play through your marriage is an easy way to feel close to your partner, no matter how small the gesture seems – a quick peck on the cheek, or a footsie play under the table while eating dinner.
Kissing and hugging your spouse every day is another great way to express your affection and connect through physical touch.
When the alarm goes off in the morning, wrap your arm around them, press your body next to theirs, and cuddle for several minutes.
Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold hands, even for a few moments. Announce to the world that you are proud of your partner and that you are happy being with them by holding hands while you take a walk.
Offer to give a relaxing back massage to soothe their aches and tension away. Give a teasing tickle, make love, get some candles, dim the lights, and seduce each other – whatever you do, just keep touch alive.
Touching says, “I love you so much I simply must touch you”. So reach out and touch their arm, shoulder, whatever it may be. Touching and showing affection is a necessity in making a marriage better.
3. Find Something That Makes You Both Laugh
Life doesn’t always have to be so serious. It is sometimes good to take a little break and let your guard down together with your spouse and laugh because it ‘always’ feels good to laugh (especially with a loved one).
Laughter to a romantic relationship is as good as medicine to the body. It elevates your mood and spices up your effort towards knowing how to improve marriage intimacy.
It has been called “inner jogging” because every system in your body gets a workout and every coldness in your relationship goes out when you have a hearty laugh.
To further bond as a couple, look for things to laugh about. Laugh at each other’s jokes (even if you’ve heard them before). Watch a funny show together.
Discuss and mimic the characters and actions of a comedy. Do a silly craft together and just laugh about them.
Find a funny story online to share. Make funny dance moves with your partner in your living room. You could also write or draw something stupid on a post-it note.
Stick it to the fridge or the door or the bathroom mirror wherever they’ll likely see it and laugh. Hahaha! Laughing together with your spouse is one of the easy ways to improve marriage communication.
4. Spend Time Together
This is a key way to understanding how to improve marriage intimacy. Yeah, I know. Life is busy. There are work and friends and sports and mothers and kids and pets and chores and they all take up a lot of time.
That being said, while all of those things are important, the most important thing is right in front of you – your spouse.
One of the biggest gifts you can give to the love of your life is the gift of your precious time. It is an insurance policy against the fading of passion and intimacy.
Find activities that you both enjoy and make out the time to do them together. Go on a walk together, hiking or rollerblading, or simply go and lay on a blanket under a tree somewhere.
Sign up for a class (online, that’s if you are practicing social distancing) or activity. Doing something new feels exciting and might even get those competitive juice going, which can be very romantic.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an online cooking class, an at-home craft project, or a video tutorial for couple’s yoga – just try something new.
Even if it’s a total bust, at least you’ll get a good laugh. Spending time together is one of the most important steps on how to improve marriage intimacy and ways to recommit to marriage even after a bust-up.
5. Really Listen
One of the easiest ways to show kindness and how to improve marriage intimacy is by being fully present at discussions (to listen).
It sounds simple, you might not find it necessary, but it can be life-changing for the other person at the receiving end and your relationship as well.
Lending a listening ear can go a long way to make your partner fall deeper in love with you. It provides the speaker with a safe place to pour out their emotions and makes them feel good because they feel heard.
It involves being present both physically, and mentally and that involves putting away your phone or stepping away from the dishes, being emotionally plugged in, and paying your full, undivided attention.
No matter how insignificant you find the subject matter, don’t interrupt. Just listen, paraphrase even, and reassure. Just listening is one of the best ways to improve marriage communication.
6. Show Respect
Have you heard that familiarity breeds contempt? I guess so. The unfortunate truth is that some people tend to treat their spouses worse than they treat strangers.
If you fall into this category, it is necessary to retrain yourself to give your spouse the utmost respect that will make them feel your love. Here are 15 Shocking Signs Of Disrespect to avoid.
Speak kindly to each other. Give a soft answer when asked a question no matter how annoying it may sound.
By choosing your words correctly, you are showing your partner that you value them. Avoid complaining about them to your friends and relatives.
One complaint at a low time in your marriage will resonate with the listener long after the problem or spat was resolved. Rather speak to them about any issue when you are both by yourselves.
Remember that you are their biggest cheerleader, so honor and respect them privately and even before people, and that includes when they aren’t around.
7. Compliment Each Other
A good suggestion on how to improve marriage intimacy is to give compliments. A wise man once said; ‘A compliment a day keeps divorce attorney away’.
From being well-groomed to being well dressed, if there is anything about your spouse that impresses you and make them irresistible then you must let them know.
It can be about their body, what they are wearing, their personality, the way they do something, or their talents.
Tell them how fabulous that T-shirt or red dress look on them, tell them how fantastic they are even in public.
Acknowledge that you love ‘that’ way they laugh or sing or throw the football, or even how their touch makes your heart race and makes you feel special.
Tell them the beautiful things your friends, family, colleagues, think of them – “they said you go the extra mile to make them comfortable when at our home”, “they find you very beautiful/handsome”, “They think you are very informed about what’s happening in the world”, and admit that these compliments are true.
Being a ‘complimentary’ card is one of the steps to a better marriage.
8. Often Say “I LOVE YOU”
To keep the spark and romance in a relationship, you need to make each other feel like a romantic partner, every day.
Making your partner feel loved, cherished, and adored is so important and that’s what these three cute words do to them.
Even if your spouse knows that you love them, they would love to continually hear it from you. Why? Because every person likes to be told the how and why they are special to you.
There are hardly any barriers to saying these words. It doesn’t take much effort, it doesn’t take much time, you can even text it if you’re not going to see each other that day, but it makes such a big difference.
Say these heartfelt words meaningfully and give your full attention when doing so. Slip in an ‘I love you’ as you wake up, or go to sleep call your partner in the middle of the day just to say ‘I love you’.
Reassure them that you love them more than their flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, even more than bad days ahead and that the most important thing to you is that you are both together.
This will make you both feel good and reaffirm that you have a positive relationship. Saying these words also sends a message of trust, care, and commitment. Here are 100 Creative Ways To Say I Love You.
9. Small Sweet Surprises
This note about how to improve marriage intimacy talks about little things that make a huge difference. Remember when you first started dating and you’d do little things to surprise your partner all the time.
Because you simply wanted to make them smile. Don’t stop doing that! Surprise your spouse by buying a thoughtful gift, you don’t have to wait for special occasions to do that.
And the gifts don’t have to be expensive, so it doesn’t become an excuse not to give gifs. Pick up something simple, but unexpected for them while you are at the store.
It can be simple as getting their favorite drink or snack from the grocery store or perhaps buying something that they’ve had their eyes on.
If you know they never leave work to go to lunch drop by with a bag of goodies. Pick a band, artist, play, or any other event your spouse has been looking forward to and snag some tickets.
Plan an evening from start to finish, with multiple activities and pay special attention to ensuring all the details show that everything was tailor-made just for them. They’ll be thrilled with the surprise and touched that you value their happiness.
10. Communicate Openly
The effect of poor communication in a relationship can threaten the existence of that relationship. It is one of the main reasons couples make assumptions and grow apart. Don’t let that happen in your marriage! Healthy marriage partners make it a point of duty to communicate as much as possible.
They talk about life goals, hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, their next vacation, or something interesting they read about on a social media platform. They also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls, and how they meet and overcome every day’s challenges.
They call in to check on each other, which in turn elevates their day – it gives such a nice feeling especially when your phone buzzes and you see that it’s from your sweetheart.
You don’t have to have a big, lengthen conversation. A simple “hey honey, hope you are having a good day” can be all that you need to ignite that spark.
Better communication between you and your spouse leads to more trust in each other, and better trust leads to more confidence, and more confidence project greater connectivity.
So if you are wondering how to improve marriage intimacy, then a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go.
11. Go To Bed Together
One of the most significant aspects about how to improve marriage intimacy is the warm, intimate couple’s time you spend together before falling asleep, and going to bed together fosters that connection. Being together in bed allows couples to share skin-to-skin contact and cuddle.
During this time, most people feel incredibly relaxed and nurtured as it stimulates feelings of comfort, satisfaction, love, appreciation, happiness, and offers an increased opportunity for couples to get physically intimate and connect on a deeper level.
Even if you are a night owl, go into bed with your partner until they fall asleep. Getting a good night’s rest is important to help better navigate disagreements and avoid conflict. Less petty arguing means a happier relationship. Here are 9 Bedtime Routines To Improve Marriage Intimacy.
12. Be Quick To Forgive
Everyone has misunderstandings and miscommunications. It is almost inevitable. Every spouse (even you) makes mistakes and treat the other poorly at times, even unintentionally.
But you don’t have to keep a record of every little offense here and there (especially if your focus is on how to improve marriage intimacy).
You may be offended because he took a long time to open the door for you to come in or because you found some dirty dishes in the sink almost immediately after washing the last ones, it would be nice if you can let go and don’t let it linger.
Or maybe you are offended by something insignificantly trivial they said – you could wait a bit, and then, try to find out the motivation.
You might well find that your spouse meant to be constructive and not negative and that you made the wrong interpretation or assumption. However, if it truly offends you, be quick to forgive and let go that’s one of the most Important Lessons I Learned In My First Year.
Forgiveness is the only way to move forward through a period of unhappiness. Without it, hearts will become hard and offense will come more easily.
That little thing you thought was cute when you first got married will begin to get on your nerves at the drop of a hat. So forgive, let go and have fun!
As we all know, having a strong emotional bond in a marriage relationship is important. Your marriage isn’t doomed if you both are struggling to connect. Instead, it can continue to grow if you take time for introspection and put in the work to keep that flame burning.
The healthier habits you can cultivate with your spouse, the greater the chance you’ll have of forming a thriving, successful relationship. So, invest in it. It is worth the effort.
Hey! I’d like to hear your suggestions, ideas, and questions on more ways to improve marriage intimacy you’ve tried. Also, don’t stop spreading love in all you do. Until I come your way again, ciao!
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