The signs of lack of respect in relationships are usually the reality checker in any relationship. Everyone’s dream or pictured future is to live in love, peace, and harmony with a loved one – usually their significant other.
That special one that brings joy to their life and gladdens their heart. They want to feel loved, pampered, respected, and valued. Isn’t that right? But as time goes on, the realities become clearer and somehow you find yourself entangled in an ugly situation.
Instead of having that desired relationship of happiness, understanding, productivity, and emotional intimacy, you feel mentally and physically drained – filled with fear, tears, pain, heartaches, and devoid of emotional connection.
The never-ending drama and hurtful feelings can’t seem to make you feel your (real) self anymore.
If you are confused and perpetually engage in self-betrayal because you can’t seem to classify their behavior, then, you should probably take a closer look at their “attitude” towards you or study them to see if the signs of lack of respect in relationships are evident. Here are a few tips to guide you;
1. They Don’t Listen To You
Communication is a two-way street. We all need someone to hear us vent and express our feelings from time to time, so naturally, being an active and attentive listener is incredibly important in a relationship.
If your spouse will never listen to anything you have to say, or if they flat out refuse to let you speak, this could be one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships that you shouldn’t tolerate.
If they often talk over you or interrupt you when you are trying to get a point across or try to change the subject or get angry and walk away so that you feel like you have done something wrong by trying to bring it up, then that is obviously not good.
It could be one of the major signs of no respect in marriage. Such an attitude is unhealthy and can cause a lot of dent to you.
You might be trying to resolve an issue or get clarity, and before you know it, they stare at their phone, or text the entire time, because they are worrying that they’ll miss a text, Instagram post, or that new person viewing their Snapchat story, which is totally unacceptable.
It makes you look inferior and gives you the sense that your conversations aren’t as important to them as whatever else holds their attention, and that can sting deeply.
2. They Ignore Your Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries. Even with your spouse, you should have boundaries that you have communicated with each other for all aspects of your life.
Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. Healthy boundaries can help us define our individuality and can help to indicate what we will and will not hold ourselves responsible for, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated.
Our boundaries whether they are big or small are important and deserve to be respected. But with disrespectful partners, this is not the case.
Ordinarily, a norm in upholding your boundaries includes saying “no”. That is to say, if someone asks something of you that goes against your principles, disrespects your time, or forces you to sacrifice something important, it’s okay to say “no”.
It doesn’t have to be harsh, but you could say it assertively. But with disrespectful partners, no, oftentimes, means yes, and yes, no.
Their attitude is that of “I’ll do what I want regardless of how you feel”. They continuously go over the level that’s comfortable for you without invitation, or permission, are rude, annoying, and sometimes may guilt-trip you for even having to set those boundaries. This is definitely not healthy.
A partner who routinely ignores or tramples all over your boundaries clearly shows one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships or disrespects you.
3. They Give Romantic Attention To Others
Nobody says you can’t appreciate other people or compliment them. But when your significant other starts talking about other people or you notice them staring at someone “right in your presence”, it is one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships – stating that they have no regard for you and your feelings.
They talk about how “hot” the other person or persons are right in front of you and sometimes have “that” (seductive) look in their eyes when “whosoever” name or names comes up – you will likely recognize this look as to how he/she use to look at you when you were first falling in love.
This is there a passive-aggressive way of letting you know about how that person can do so much better and that you do not impress them. They make you feel insecure, and then you can only imagine what they’ll do when you aren’t around.
4. They Don’t Make Time For You
It is perfectly normal and healthy for partners to have a life outside of their relationship. While it can be tempting to get caught up in day-to-day stress and easy to get stuck in a rut, you still need to feel valued no matter what.
Remember when you newly started dating or probably just got married – everything seemed new, exciting, and you likely spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try.
You carved opportunities to be in each other’s presence and miss each other in your absence. This means that even though you both worked hard at your jobs, work can’t bring the same kind of fulfillment that only a family can bring.
But when the relationship turns toxic, unhealthy, and disrespectful, everything changes. Your spouse no longer makes time to spend with you in conversation, or time to laugh and play or try to be silly or discuss serious issues.
They are too caught up in their own lives to be that concerned about your feelings and challenges. They’ll rather spend time with their friends, other family members, colleagues, or social media, but not you. And are always absent from every important event in your life.
5. They Discourage You
No matter how absurd and weird your goals and dreams are, your partner is supposed to encourage you.
When your partner respects you, they will acknowledge, appreciate, and compliment your hard work, talent, smartness, and celebrate you when you have achieved something (whether big or small).
You would see the true joy and pride in their eyes when you tell them something worked out for you. But if your partner makes fun of these things, that could be one of the signs of a disrespectful husband as well as a major of the signs of lack of respect in relationships.
They always see the negative side, blow you off, or simply don’t tell you they are proud of you. They’ll find reasons your good news isn’t great news and try to discourage you from being happy.
They plant seeds of doubt in you and may try to cut you off from your sense of reality as well, where you keep questioning your sensibilities, dreams, your future, and your life choices all day long.
Don’t let this happen. Don’t let anyone dampen you or shrink you down to their size. You don’t need their approval anyway – or anyone else for that matter.
6. They Apply The Use Of “Silent Treatment”
Clear and direct communication is essential for healthy relationships. But one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships is the use of silence.
Silence is golden, you may say, but when silence, or rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship it becomes “silent treatment”, which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.
The silent treatment is a tactic used by many narcissists and it is tremendously damaging to a relationship satisfaction as it is designed to make you feel abandoned, disposable, worthless, unloved, confused, hurt, frustrated, angry, lonely, unimportant, and despair – maybe even a sense of betrayal and bitterness.
However, you must know that no one, male or female, should receive the silent treatment as acceptable behavior. You don’t deserve it – no one ever deserves to be ignored.
7. They Treat You As Though You Don’t Matter
One of the signs of lack of respect in relationships is that your spouse treats you as though they could live with or without you, and probably would be happier without you.
They treat you like the only thing that would change is the laundry piling, and no one to go on errands once you are gone.
They just do whatever feels good for them at the moment, intentionally hurt your feelings and without regrets. A spouse that makes you feel less than desired or needed is disrespecting you.
8. They Are Selfish
While it is perfectly fine for you or your partner to put your needs first from time to time, it is not healthy if your partner “Always” put their needs over yours and the combined needs of your partnership.
A good spouse shows respect for his/her partner and will be concerned about the needs of their partner to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
However, selfishness as one of the signs of disrespect from a man, or one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships, can really hurt the romantic relationship.
When your partner is selfish, things always have to be their way and they have to control every aspect of everything that happens in their life, especially your life too.
They think of themselves as supreme and disregard you or anything that has to do with you. You will never get what you want. It’s either their way or the highway.
9. They Talk You Down
Your partner’s job is to boost your self-esteem, not to bury it as deep as possible. Usually, healthy partners follow the “Thumper Rule” of not saying anything if they can’t say anything nice.
But for unhealthy partners, one of the signs of disrespect in relationships or signs of lack of respect in relationships is that they always derive joy in putting their partner down. They speak about you to others in a way that demeans, depreciates, or diminishes your personality.
Makes jokes at your expense in public, and talk to you in an insultingly condescending manner, as if you are less mature, intelligent, or capable than you really are – calling you all sought of names – “idiot”, “foolish”, “useless”, “stupid”, or “dumbass”.
Their harsh words cut you down in ways that make you feel you can’t trust them with your flaws, and that makes you walk on eggshells, even in your home.
10. They Choose Others Over You
No doubt, friends and other relations or people are important in keeping a healthy life. Possibly, their advice and support will guide you through good times and bad, and you can count on them for their shared joy during moments of triumph and their empathy during moments of pain.
However important they are, they aren’t your soul mate. Your spouse is! Taking sides with others against him/her is like taking sides with others against yourself.
In unhealthy relationships, (without realizing this), disrespectful partners derive pleasure in making their partner feel downtrodden. They never take your side – especially when you need it most. They underrate you and do not trust your judgment, and would rather take side with friends and family over you.
They make plans with others without including or asking you and will choose their activity over the ones you’ve chosen. This makes you feel like your words don’t count and your choices useless.
Spending your precious time with someone who doesn’t think you are more important than 90% of people in his life, is just wrong.
11. They Don’t Apologize
Admitting that you’ve wronged someone takes being compassionate and respect for yourself and the others in your life; that is a sign of strength. But one of the signs of lack of respect in relationships includes pride from a partner (or both partners).
Fact is, disrespectful partners, find it so hard to apologize that getting them to admit to even the smallest wrongdoing involves a major battle – often, a fruitless one. It is a strict no-no for them.
They are aware of the pain they’ve caused you and aware that a simple apology or admission of wrongdoing can take a situation from hot to bearable or possible light, but they prevent themselves from doing so on principles, or for whatever it may be. To them, rather than a form of outreach, restoration, and repair, an apology is a form of debasement, degradation, or shame.
They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it.
Their self-concept is that they are perfect in everything they do. And seeing that they are perfect, they can have you questioning your “over-reactiveness”, your “oversensitivity”, your “tendency to misinterpret”.
In order words, they probably explain to you how their mistake too is your fault. When this is done, they are satiated in the feeling they’ve earned their emotional wages for the day.
12. They Are Secretive
In a relationship, both parties must remain honest and open with each other to share not only their wins, ideas, and believes but their failures too.
But if you find your spouse keeping secrets from you (unless it is a surprise birthday party or a present) or perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must delve deeper into what is really behind it. These lies don’t have to be big. They all are the same (a lie is a lie, remember?).
If other people (father, mother, friends, etc.) are their sources of support whenever life throws a curveball and you are not even aware of the issue they are grappling with, they are surely disrespecting you.
Saying that they didn’t tell you because they didn’t want to bother you is no less disrespectful or condescending. It means that your spouse doesn’t trust you enough to keep you informed on their own. That can hurt.
13. They Don’t Keep To Promises
Promises are declarations of intention that help strengthen trust between people. When our partner tells us that they’re going to do something we expect them to follow through.
But some people break promises time and again. They chip away at your trust, little by little, and leave you nothing but empty words and disappointments. There’s always a reason for them not to keep their promises, and that can be devastating.
The frustration of your spouse’s attitude (lack of follow-through on good intentions, or saying one thing and then doing another, or breaking promises) can slowly erode both the emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship or make the relationship crumble. The fact is, if there’s a will, there is a way!
14. They Think You Are Lucky To Have Them
A very common of the signs of disrespect in a relationship is that disrespectful partners are usually so full of themselves.
They think highly of themselves and do everything to keep you under them, including constantly making you feel like your life would end without them.
They treat the relationship as though they do you a favor by subtly making you feel less attractive than they are, constantly reinforcing their professional accomplishment as compared to yours, or even comparing you unfavorably to their exes.
They will not only try to put you down so that they feel like a better person, but they will want to ruin your self-confidence so that you feel like you need them. And that you are nothing without them.
They underestimate you. They think that you’ve got a better person (them) than you ever deserve, and no other partner in the whole universe might end up with you if they choose to leave you.
15. They Are Never Pleased
Healthy relationships allow for appreciations. They find joy in sacrificing and helping each other because they love each other, care for each other, and they know they’ll get rewarded for it, even if the reward is as simple as “thank you”, “I’m grateful”, “you made my day”, “what would I do without you”, etc.
But for unhealthy relationships, one of the signs of a disrespectful wife is discontentment. Your partner is never satisfied.
Nothing you do is good enough for them or pleases them. They keep nagging you to become a better person and complain about things that shouldn’t even matter in the first place.
They criticize the way you dress, talk, stand, sit, what you watch, what you do for your friends or theirs, the way you do house chore, even the way you make love to them.
If you fix lunch, they rarely say “thank you” but rather always have a remark in place for something you could have done better (even when everything is perfect).
For example, you fixed a pot of delicious rice, but would hear statements like – the spice could have been more (or less), you should have washed the chicken that way, the rice is just too hard!
They scar you emotionally (with or without) even realizing the damage they are wreaking on you and the relationship. Your relationship is gradually becoming your worst nightmare.
If everything you do could use improvement in your partner’s eyes then you have one of the obvious signs of lack of respect in relationships on your hand.
The truth is, you can’t force a person to show you respect, but as important as paying attention to the signs of disrespect in a relationship, so is being able to express your feelings about the situation.
If they throw so many stones at you, pick them all up, put them together, and build a wall to keep them from doing it again. Keep your dignity, remain true to yourself.
Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you. I hope these signs above will help you identify disrespect in your relationship and hopefully work towards them.
You can check out How To Be A Better Wife, Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship, and How To Build Trust for more advice. I can’t wait to communicate with you i the comment section below. Thanks for the read!
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