At the beginning of a good relationship, everything seems perfect. You and your spouse agree on everything, you want to do the same activities on the weekends, and you always look great, and shiny and happy.
But as married life moves forward and kids, bills, and endless day-to-day tasks start to take center stage, you struggle to maintain your initial state of contentment beyond the first year.
Even in the best relationships, things can get a little off, you can find yourselves missing out on the old romance that brought you together in the first place, might get bored, might start to take each other for granted, and sometimes, you begin to think you have married a less-than-admirable partner.
The fact is, every marriage needs adventure, surprises, love boosts, and some added heat once in a while. Whether you’ve been married 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, or more, you can enjoy a fun, hot, and spicy marriage. Here are a few ways on how to spice up your marriage and regain the spark you desire;
1. Often Express Your Love
No matter how long you have come in your relationship, don’t stop expressing your love for yourselves for any reason. Make a daily habit of telling your partner how you love them. More ‘I love you’ is better than fewer (three words that just never gets old).
You can write a note on the bathroom mirror every day, or write one once a week that you actually pop in the mail (even if you live together), you are seriously never going to say it too much. I love you means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times.
It means loving you when you are in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want you to do. It means loving you when you are down, not just when you’re fun to be with. It means I cherish, adore, and want a lifetime with you.
This makes your partner feel your love, even as you get more love in return, and it makes your relationship stronger than the mediocre challenge of life. Expressing your love often is certainly an easy way on how to spice up your marriage. It’s never too much! Here are 100 Unique Ways Of Saying “I Love You”.
2. Identify Your Partner’s Love Language
This is a very vital point on how to spice up your marriage. Love languages are the ways people give and receive love. It is the way people express their love, and interpret the feelings of others. The truth is that; even if two people click well with each other, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they speak the same love language.
Knowing how your partner likes to receive love can help you keep those honeymoon phase-type of feeling alive and well for a really long time. It can help you make sure they are satisfied and receiving the love they need to have a fulfilling relationship.
Is your partner a gifts person? Buy them a thoughtful gift. Does your partner love touching you all the time? Be more physically affectionate. Or does he/she crave to hear your comment on anything they do? Then, simply attend to them by words of affirmation.
Or he wants your undivided attention all the time (especially when together)? Then quality time could just be it. If they’re probably more alive each time you clean the house, take out the trash can or go refill the car tank, then it’s important to give more efforts in our acts of service. You get the gist, right?
3. Show Some Appreciation
One way on how to spice up your marriage is to come up with a grateful ritual. It is time to get back to the basics and more intentionally start incorporating “thank you” into your daily dialogue.
For a minute stop complaining about those things which aren’t happening and be grateful for all the things that are working in your relationship. It makes you happier, more energetic, and more forgiving, among many other things. Do something that will consciously remind you of how much you appreciate each other.
For instance, you can try listing out five things you appreciate about each other every day and either write them down where your partner will see them or verbally express them.
And whenever you can, show each other that your lives have changed for the better because you have found each other. Remember that the magic word “thank you” works wonders than anything else.
4. Touch Each Other
Don’t underestimate the power of touch. If you are not an affectionate couple, then it is time to reintroduce touch into your relationship to spice it up. Affection is an easy way to feel closer to your partner, no matter how small the gesture seems.
Remember the trills you got the first time your spouse held your hand? Or whether it be a long hug, cuddling up to watch your favorite shows together, stroking your partner’s hair, engaging in a nice massage, or playing footsie under the table while eating, they are sure going to steam up your relationship.
5. Date Each Other
It’s easy to stop going on dates once you get into a routine of being together. But make a regular point to go on actual planned dates. Clear your schedule and make a quick weekend getaway – to the beach for a picnic, to see a film, or take a tour around your city, or just even make time to go out for coffee on a weekend morning.
You could also plan a night at home to have dinner for two, it isn’t hard at all. Once the kids are asleep. Deem the lights, light some candles, get dressed up, and enjoy the romantic atmosphere in the comfort of your own home. Keeping your kids on a “bed routine” will give you and your spouse some quiet, one-on-one time together.
I have a host of activities I do with my husband and here are 25 Best of the BondIng Activities For Couples I engage in.
Always keep lines of communication open and learn how best to approach your spouse in various situations. Share your dreams, aspirations, and goals with your spouse. It assures them that they are truly a part of your life.
Ask questions of your partner that spark true, deep discussion; your question can be as simple as “how was your day?” Communicate about what you want from your partner in your romantic relationship, and feel free to express how you feel when something has been on your mind for a while.
If you never share how you feel, then you can’t expect the other person to know or understand how or what you feel, or help you come up with a solution to the problem, or treat you better. So, communicating better is an important step on how to spice up your marriage.
7. Shower Your Spouse With Compliments
Compliments can never get you at a disadvantage especially when trying to figure out how to spice up your relationship. For God’s sake, who doesn’t like getting compliments?
A true compliment is said with the core purpose to make someone else feel good. Think of all the good qualities your partner has, and make an effort to compliment them at least once a day.
You can say; ‘you’re such a good person’. This means you look past your partner’s looks, straight into the heart. Being a good person is admirable – let them know you think so.
Let them know how good they look (physical appearance), or how sweet they speak. Of course, you think your partner is attractive, so why not tell them? The truth is that, if you aren’t saying it regularly, they may start to forget that you really feel that way.
When you give sincere compliments to your spouse, your spouse’s self-confidence increases, and so does your self-worth. The friendship between both of you is strengthened and you create a happy moment for the two of you to share. So, want to know how to spice up your marriage? Compliment them!
8. Do Small Stuff
What’s your spouse’s favorite treat? Surprise them with it. Don’t wait for a special occasion (anniversary, birthday, etc) to cook your spouse’s favorite meal or to buy them gifts (something they really want).
Pick up a favorite candy from the store and leave it on their pillow, serve him/her breakfast in bed, surprise them at work for lunch, or with tickets to their games, wash your partner’s car (or have it professionally detailed – it’s the thought that counts).
If your partner is an adventurous person who loves trekking, cycling, camping, and walking in the woods, but you like to stay at home having a heart-to-heart talk over dinner. For a change, join him/her in his/her adventure. They’d be pleasantly surprised, and you too would be surprised to realize your potential.
These little gestures can go a long way in showing how much you care. And of course, can increase your knowledge of how to spice up your marriage.
9. Look Nice
One of the first things that attract us to someone is what they look like. The person doesn’t necessarily have to be a 10, but there does have to be something that catches our eyes.
That is to say, even though we know your spouse didn’t fall in love with you on your looks alone, and sometimes your schedule just doesn’t allow time to primp and groom. But it is nice to look extra nice for your partner once in a while.
Remember the way you would dress to impress your partner when you were dating? You would try to look your best when you were with them. You’d shower, shave, do your makeup, get your nails and hair done. You put on your most flattering outfit and your happiest face. Years have passed, where did that all go?
One way on how to spice up your marriage is to dress very nicely. Is there a favorite shirt or dress that your significant other really likes to see you in? Or maybe even a certain color that they always think looks flattering on you? Put them on!
Revamp your wardrobe, buy something that would grab your spouse attention – fast! Try new hairstyles and change your dressing style (if you need to) and remind your better half of what a good-looking pair you make, then watch the fireworks thereafter.
10. Wear His Or Her Favorite Cologne
Of all senses, the smell is the most intelligent and sensitive. It’s quite obvious that how you smell is important to your partner.
Naturally, if you smell bad, people will tend to find you less attractive visually. But if you smell good, then people are more likely to find you visually appealing. It shows you take care of yourself and that’s always attractive. And you feel happier, more confident, more flirtatious and a whole demeanor can change.
Wearing your partner’s sweet and tasty scents reminds you both of some sweet shared memories, so you feel secure enough to let your attraction and affection show; that lingering scent will be sure to leave a lasting impression to the point of where you will be nuzzled up to each other.
11. Retell Your Story
Recall the feelings of excitement and anticipation you experienced when you first met. How you met, how your friends engineered the whole match mating show.
What attracted you two to each other. How embarrassing your first date together was, because your shoe heels broke or because he had a little spill of food on his shirt (of course it is something to laugh about now, years have come off).
Or how he got frightened even at the sound of your father’s voice (even when it was just as simple as ‘hello’). Or of how you both laid on the rooftop, daydreaming and making some unrealistic plans for winning a lottery (you didn’t even apply for) or where you’ll both spend money when you’re given a certain huge amount, and how you laughed at yourselves for thinking that, and dragged yourselves to reality.
Reminiscing all your good times together is a definite way on how to spice up your marriage. Check out these 15 Powerful Tips For A Happy Marriage.
12. Take A Romantic Bath Together
Showering together is another important lesson on how to spice up your marriage. Your shower time, I believe, has always been the most private time in your life, and letting your partner share that private time with you means you guys are sharing all aspects of yourselves.
It brings you closer, connecting at every level, even as you discover each other’s entirety; hiding nothing. It brings a jolt of excitement into your relationship and helps keep it romantic and fun as you discover your partner’s body in all its glory.
Use this opportunity to pamper your partner; soft washcloths and scented body washes are your friends. Remember to take time when you’re lathering up your partner, you want to drive them absolutely wild.
Also, sometimes, spice up a little romance by running a bath surrounded by lit candles. This sultry gesture helps to take a load off from your partner’s day and relieve you both of the stresses.
13. Often Play Together
When was the last time you and your spouse played together? Can you remember the last time you did something crazy fun together? If the answer is no, then you need to watch it. Play is a vital practice every couple should engage in, but unfortunately, over the years couples have little or no time for such.
They replace it with serious adult responsibilities like raising children, taking care of elderly parents, household chores, work (especially in a trying economy when couples often work long hours or hold down more than one job), and then boredom sets in, and they begin to get tired and unconsciously begin to withdraw from their partner and then the relationship is affected.
Since boredom can be a silent relationship killer, fun (playfulness) can be an antidote. Playing together makes emotional connections easy and enjoyable. It helps you and your spouse connect the good feelings and experiences during the activity to your overall relationship.
Try new and unfamiliar activities, exercise together, cook together, redecorate together. Put on your wedding song and dance together, play those old records (if you still have them), even recent songs can be enjoyable. Ask your spouse for a dance in the kitchen.
Share games with your spouse. Do whatever makes you happy and have fun as long as it is together. As playing is shared, so is time, joys, laughter, and excitements.
14. Get Intimate
This is essential to staying connected to your partner. Newlyweds know that a night of passion can do wonders for your well-being and relationship. So why not spice up your marriage by spicing up your intimacy level? Get bold and try something new, mix up things a bit.
Instead of creating the habit of doing the same thing, at the same time, in the same place. You can opt for a change. For example, every third time you make love, change one thing – the location (it doesn’t necessarily have to be a hotel. It can be on the floor or in the bathroom), the time, the attire, the position, etc.
Changing up your usual routine is a sure-fire way to reignite the spark and take your mind/relationship off daily stresses.
15. Visit Your Photo Gallery Together
This very last note on how to spice up your marriage will make you feel super good and make you know how far you’ve come with your partner, and would even strike up a spark to go further. Pictures have got a unique way of playing the past in the present.
It makes you feel that sweet-romantic gesture towards your partner, which is also needed for your relationship to blossom. It reignites that same feeling and sparks you had all through that day that made you smile and glitter, radiating in beauty, care, sweetness, royalty, and acceptance.
Usually, this feeling can’t be quantified, you just like the aura it gives knowing that “your very special one is now by your side, and all of yours”, welcoming each other warmly into the bond of unity and assuring yourselves that you’d make this work.
Even as the years go by, viewing these pictures adds colors to your relationships in a healthy-romantic way and makes you grateful for each other.
Voila! There you have it lovelies, 15 sure ways on how to spice up your marriage and not only bring the honeymoon phase back but to also keep the flame of love burning in your relationship.
You can also check out How To Be A Better Wife And Improve Your Marriage -10 Tips You’ve Never Heard Of and 20 Marriage Lessons From My First Year ( TIPS FOR NEWLYWEDS) for more goodies.
Thanks for your time! In conclusion, even though it is normal for relationships to lose the butterflies that they start with, it can be worked on. Simple efforts from you will encourage your partner also to come up with ways or ideas on how to spice up your marriage. So do it now!
No one knows it all, so feel free to share your comments and suggestions down below. I’ll be waiting! In all you do today, keep spreading love. Until I come your way again, Ciao!
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