Every day surf the internet and we get blessed with all the mushiness of love and romance and happy couples. There isn’t a day that passes by without the internet attempting to make single people look like the real losers in this game of life. The world has left us no choice but to keep asking her one question, why am I still single. This is one funny question we can’t seem to stop asking ourselves – why am I still single.
I am handsome, I’m beautiful but why am I still single. Unlike most rhetorical questions, this one deserves an answer and that is one thing we are scrapping tooth and nail to get.
At the end of the day, we have done a lot of introspecting, but the answer to the question eludes us. The thing is there are different answers to this question as you go from one person to another and you will continue to remain single or have failed relationships if you don’t tackle the real reason why you are single yourself.
The main problem is no tackling the issue now, it is finding out first the real reasons why you are still single. A lot of us see being single as a bad thing, so asking the question, why am I still single isn’t such a weird thing.
The truth is that it is – for the few who do not see being single as bad, the next few lines will convince you otherwise. We are not saying that no one has the right to be single – being single has a lot of benefits both for the ladies and the gentlemen but at the end of the day they also have disadvantages too.
The big issue now is that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages on the list. Studies have been done on the disadvantages of being single and it cuts across a lot of spheres. From a medical standpoint, research has shown that people who are married or in a committed relationship have lower probabilities of experiencing mental and psychological problems like depression, anxiety, mental disorder, suicidal thoughts.
So basically, you are saving your mental health if you get into a relationship today. The same study showed that people in serious relationships and those married live longer and are generally happier than single people regardless of other successes in their lives.
Another study even indicates that contrary to what we all believe people who are married or in a committed relationship will sleep more with a proper schedule than those who are single.
It is even believed that divorce has a high probability when one has stayed single for too long. The belief is that being single eats into your bone after a while and even when you are committed, you still desire the single life.
9 REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE
1. You Are Ambivalent
What we mean here is that you are one of those people who want a relationship but only from a distance. It means you are the type of person to go out on multiple dates with potential partners but spend the whole time finding reasons why you cannot be together rather than reasons to say yes to the union.
The kind of person would try all the online dating sites but run away when you find someone interested in you. Instead of asking why you are still single, you would prefer to tell yourself that the single life is for you and give yourself reasons until you believe and the desire to be with someone is suppressed.
You ask yourself a lot of questions until you convince yourself that you are just not meant to be with someone else in a committed relationship. At the endpoint, you won’t love but the things that come with it are the problems you tend to avoid.
An ambivalent person would accept a relationship only if he or she can avoid the pain it comes with, have the freedom to do what they want when they want, can still achieve their career and personal goals, save the extra money that would have been spent and lastly if they can stay in control of things will dating. So, we suggest you take an introspect again rather than asking why am I still single.
2. Your Past
The past will always come back to hurt us once the issues there are not trashed out. One of the biggest issues that can affect your future relationships and keep you single is when you still have a love for your ex-girlfriend. The normal question we would ask is, ‘what is wrong with me, why am I single’, at least we have asked ourselves this question once in our life.
The problem might be you and the fact that you are holding on to yesterday. A girl once said she has been trying to have a serious relationship for six years but whenever she tries to find one, the relationship doesn’t last long. After some investigation, we realized that she was looking for her ex in the body of these people. You must heal and move on before getting into another relationship because the present tends to suffer when the past is affected.
It might not even be your ex, just the fact that you have been hurt, they tend to simply shoot everyone out and go knob when it comes to trying to love someone else. The real reason you are asking why am I still single is because you are scared of falling for a man that will not fall for you at the end of the day, hence increasing the probability of him hurting you just like all the other boys that hurt you.
3. Fear And Defenses
Another issue is the fact that we are constantly afraid of so many things. For some men, the problem is after winning her heart, you still have to compete with others to keep it and it is just worth it because they feel like they can’t win all the other competitors.
The problem for them is being a loss after investing so much. We also have those who expect others to be hikers and mountain climbers for them, the ones who believe that if someone truly loves them then the person has to keep pushing and going after them.
They put up so many defenses and are ready to wait for the person who scales all the walls and fences they have erected. Commitment can also be the reason, so stop asking yourself why am I still single at 40 – some people just do not want to commit and there is nothing anyone can do or say to change that.
The name is Gamophobia when marriage and long-term commitments are the biggest issues, you have. For some, even stay at a particular job for a long time is impossible. So, we would suggest you check your phobias before asking the internet, why am I single.
4. Why You Are Still Single – Introverted Nature
Contrary to popular belief, you need to go out and socialize most times before you find a soulmate. They are not placed on a catalog off the internet for you to order whenever you feel like it is time.
We understand the concept of online dating but there will always be a need to meet up even when you are dating someone on a social media platform and if you keep up your introverted nature this might be impossible. If social media platforms are not your thing, then we suggest you go out from time to time – accept a date or two and see where things lead.
You cannot be waiting for all the mushiness of a relationship and not want to do the work required to get there. Stop asking yourself why am I still single and start asking why don’t go out.
5. Your Thoughts
Half the times our biggest problem is our head and the beliefs filled inside; this might be the reason your internet browser history is filled with the phrase ‘why am I still single.
First, you cannot be thinking there is someone tailor-made for you out there. Yes, we know you have standards but the chances of you meeting someone that scores 10/10 and loves you that much is usually going to be very slim, so we normally would suggest you cut them so slack.
How about you find a 6/10 that loves you too and then try to make him a 10, this way you don’t get to wait forever to find a soulmate. Asides from thinking that everybody is perfect, some of the other reasons why you are still single may include the fact that you are an overthinker.
You cannot be suggesting baby names and a honeymoon location on the first date, some people would see you as a creep rather than someone excited to be in love. When you overthink things, the smallest of issues will become big and before you know it something that was nothing will be the reason the relationship is thrown under the curtain.
These are some of the problems overthinking will cost you while you are in looking for or in a relationship, so please, by all means, your thoughts shouldn’t be the reason why the relationship ends or doesn’t even start.
6. Reasons Why You Are Still Single – Lack Of Patience
Sometimes we just know why but it is always hard to believe that is the reason. In a seminar for singles, this question was asked and a girl answered in the following words ‘the reason why am I still single at 20 is because I do not have patience’.
Weird on all accounts but this statement is true to the letter, being an impatient human being could be your biggest problem and the reason why it seems like love has decided to stay far from your neighborhood. You cannot just meet someone today and because you felt a connection expect the person to love you back immediately, things don’t work that way even if they did for you once, it is not the normal way for it to go.
The patience to let love grow is one of the virtues that is needed to have a relationship. Some of us would go into a relationship and expect everything to magically fall in place from the first day. We think you know this is the reason, stop asking the internet why am I still single, because you already know the reason. You cannot control everything when you get into a relationship, try to is the why you are still single.
7. You Are Not Datable
This might be the reason that hurts the most but it is the truth, sometimes you are just not datable, and no matter what you do things will remain this way until you work on yourself. Too much of a thing is never a good thing and self-esteem happens to be the perfect example to help explain this phenomenon.
It is okay to have high self-esteem and standards but some of us set it too high that it becomes a problem. We begin to think no one is at our level and dating them will be going below standard then we go on to complain and ask our keyboard, why am I still single.
The others have self-esteem that is very low to the extent they do not even believe they are worth loving and this becomes their problem. Whether high or low, the tendency of finding loves that last is usually going to be slim.
Also, when you are too independent, you become undatable – your partner would like to do things for you and when they cannot this doesn’t happen the frustration that comes with it can send them packing. Some of the other reasons why you are undatable are that you are too smart, too demanding, or too secretive.
8. How You Look And Act
Sometimes, the problem is not your mind, that works perfectly; the issue is how you look and act. Some of you have become too desperate in your search for happiness and because of how desperate you are, people begin to run far from you. Most times this because they mistake you for a creep. The thinking here is that there is another angle to things because of how badly you want this to work.
Also, you can be an extrovert for all I care but if you don’t have an approachable face, no one will come close to you. If you want to stop asking, why am I still single, we suggest you smile more often when you are going out.
9. You Might Not Have Met The Right Person
The real reason why you are still single might be simply because you have not met the right person yet. Sometimes it is not your character or thoughts or how you look.
Regardless of all the bad things in you, you would change once the right person comes along. When the right person comes your way, it is an involuntary action – you just want to be different to make sure it works between the both of you.
This for us is the best reason for being single. If this is your reason for being single, we suggest you stop asking google, ‘why am I still single, love will find you, you just have to be patient.
WHAT TO DO WHILE YOU ARE SINGLE
I know that we have said being single is not the best option but you should also remember that this cannot be forced. When you rush things, you make bad decisions – meet the wrong people and get yourself hurt.
For us, the best thing to do when you are single is to make sure you are ready when the next relationship comes along. Instead of asking yourself, why am I still single, some of the things we suggest you do include;
- Understand that things will change and you should be ready for it.
- Have standards, it is okay to say you are bigger than some things.
- Work on improving yourself and making yourself a person you could date if you were the opposite gender.
- Learn how to enjoy the solace of your own company.
- Don’t be desperate to find a partner, just take things one breath at a time.
- Focus more on what you have and what you are then learn to love you for ‘you’.
You have been asking yourself, ‘why am I still single’ yet the response has been the same – nothing so you did the right thing by asking the internet. There are so many reasons why you could be single or why your relationships do not last. Here, we have shown you 9 of the most common ones to help you in your quest for love.
As we said earlier, finding the problem is the first step in the direction of getting a solution. So, with this information, we hope to get to see pictures of you and your man when next we go on the internet.
Pin this for later!