There are so many reasons for divorce but it’s pretty safe to say that no one who plans to get married goes into a marriage, thinking that they’ll get divorced.
Everyone goes in there with the best of intentions, which is to experience a fulfilling, sustainable, and fun relationship – till death do us part.
You want a stable place for your children to grow; a household built on a foundation of love, not resentment.
But unfortunately, no matter how much love and promise a couple starts with, relationships can sour, and couples end up getting unhitched for a number of reasons – from ’irreconcilable differences”, to a messy affair, or the somewhat innocuous and slow developing issues of growing apart to extreme acts of hurt and violence; and all of these can be reasons for divorce.
However, couples who plan to work things through would need to work on themselves and develop a more positive attitude towards their partner if they can know these “reasons for divorce”, and build a better relationship – if you know the reasons or cause, I guess you wouldn’t want to fall a victim. Would you? Okay, let’s go!
1. Lack Of Communication
Most of the reasons for divorce boils down to a breach in communication. And not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both partners.
This could mean each spouse had a different communication style, or that one preferred to communicate less than the other. And if you can’t talk your issues out in a way both partners understand, all that’s left is an unproductive argument and growing resentment.
Even the most minor relationship issues are magnified by a lack of communication. If this continues over time, then the intimacy eventually suffers, the connection is weakened, and you find it hard to find common ground. Love also starts to fade since it can be easy to start making assumptions.
To prevent these problems, spend at least 15 minutes each day talking. Talk about anything possible (even when the subject matter is awkward or uncomfortable).
Discuss complicated issues, find mutual points of view on the ways of bringing up children, running the household, spending money, the list is endless.
You can learn relationship skills to improve communication, deal with differences, and grow closer. The goal is for both spouses to feel heard and valued.
2. Domestic Abuse
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples – behind closed doors or hidden beneath a blanket of silence, domestic violence bruises these lives.
Domestic violence often occurs when the abuser believes that abuse is an entitlement, acceptable, justified, or unlikely to be reported.
You feel afraid of your partner most of the time, avoid certain topics out of fear of angering them, you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner. They slap, shove, hit, threaten, humiliate, degrade, or otherwise assault you; controlling behavior is even more common.
You frequently make excuses or ignore these aggressive incidents and believe that once the current stressors end, the violence will end, not realizing that even minor acts of violence can escalate over time, increasing the risk of injury or even homicide.
However, no one should have to endure this kind of pain and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your relationship is abusive.
You could talk in confidence to someone you trust; a relative, friend, pastor, family doctor, or a counselor who can perhaps encourage your spouse to engage in therapy.
But if they (the abuser) refuse to go, and you choose to stay in the situation, set up a plan of action to ensure your safety.
This includes hiding a car key, personal documents, and some money in a safe place and locating somewhere to go in an emergency.
But keep this in mind, no one deserves to be abused. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe. If you decide to leave a violent relationship, a marriage and family therapist can help you and your children deal with the changes in your lives and with the trauma you’ve each experienced.
Infidelity is one of the legal reasons for divorce. It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair.
It can take place not just face-to-face, but with the prevalence of social media platforms, it can take place via Facebook, text messages, and several ways.
An affair can feel like the ultimate betrayal. It violates everything built between you and your significant other in such a personal way. It erodes trust and leads to a breakdown in communication, and without trust, what is left? (Learn How To Build Trust Back – The Best Ways!)
It can leave the other person feeling devastated, alone, and confused. With these feelings, they cannot continue relating normally with their (unfaithful) spouse.
In most cases, the affected partner quits performing his/her matrimonial duties which may eventually lead to a divorce. But surprisingly, a large number of married couples have dealt with infidelity issues and found a way to stay together.
This is to say that since cheating is a sign that there are serious underlying marriage issues that need to be addressed, it requires clear communication about how the incident happened, each taking responsibility for the downfall of their closeness, and steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
However, if you still feel hurt, give yourself time and space. Express your anger, sadness, fear, and guilt, allow yourself to grieve. Come to terms with the situation by taking the time to retreat and when you are ready, each day will start to become easier.
Addiction as one of the top reasons for divorce involves a strong compulsion to use a substance despite harmful consequences. This includes the use of drugs, alcohol, and even other vices like gambling, smut, uncontrollable spending, etc.
When an individual is married to a person who is suffering from addiction, it can easily break this marital bond. Addiction can put a strain on a marriage causing unpredictability, conflict, tension, and plenty of ups and downs.
For example, a drinking problem changes the way a user thinks and perceives the world around him, making him redirect all his attention, energy, and resources into satisfying the need for more and can be violent if the substance isn’t available.
In other words, the person’s priorities changes and not for the better. If you are faced with this problem or your spouse is suffering from addictions, you should find proper help.
The addicted spouse should go to a treatment center to learn what’s fueling their addiction and how to overcome it. However, if a person doesn’t want to get help or they become a threat to their partner’s safety, it’s often a straw that breaks the camel’s back.
5. Financial Problems
Money issues can make married couples crazy and it’s one of the fastest leading reasons for divorce because it touches so many parts of all people’s lives.
The money problems contribute to increased stress and tension within the relationship. A lack of money or even a gap in how much money each partner contributes can lead to power struggles or imbalances within the relationship.
Some might think their partner spends too much, another might be worried about their partner’s debt. One may be focused on the future, while the other believes in living for today, and in some other cases, couples can’t compromise about what to spend their money on.
Instead of becoming a money management team, they fight over what bill to pay and not to pay. For some, selfishness awakens, as one takes advantage of the other’s generosity while they hold back their money.
More so, when one partner comes from a wealthy family, and the other don’t. The earner tries to make or wants to dictate the couple’s spending priorities, which you may find reasonable, but however, it is still important that both partners cooperate as a team.
Don’t keep the money details all to yourself. And stop using your knowledge to boss around your free-spirit-spouse. Ensure to keep a budget in place.
A spouse may feel left out and neglected if his/her opinion isn’t sought for, or when one of you bows out from handling the finances altogether. Learn more on How To Handle Finances As A Married Couple here.
6. Getting Married Too Young
One of the reasons for divorce is not being fully prepared for what marriage is all about. Age does have something to do with the success of a marriage.
Young people think that they are prepared for everything when their bodies reach physical maturity but their minds are still infantile.
They forget to note that marriage is beyond personality and looks, you need to figure out if your partner has virtues in terms of their loyalty, fidelity, and work ethic that will carry through economic challenges and raising kids together.
They ended education sooner, they started careers sooner and they became parents earlier – so all of these things in combination may have resulted in people ending up in jobs that maybe they didn’t aspire to, but needed to do because of the demands in other spheres of their life.
For some, they find out that as they age, they grow apart, and wished they had dated their spouse longer to either gain a better perspective on the relationship or to make a more rational decision as to whom they should marry.
In some other cases, they have not matured and do not understand how to communicate effectively. But whatever, the case is, it is necessary to prepare the youths and explain to them why they should never hurry to get married.
For people who find themselves in these shoes of one of the many reasons for divorce, counseling always works wonders, you should also read books to guide you on the next phase that you might expect in the relationship.
7. Too Much Conflict And Arguing
Every couple has disagreements from time to time. It is the nature of being in a long-term relationship. No matter how much you love each other, there’ll be occasions when you drive each other crazy.
But if your arguments become routines with all the same issues and no resolution, then your marriage is in a serious situation. From bickering about chores to arguing about kids, incessant arguing kills many relationships and it’s one of the common reasons for divorce.
You can’t seem to talk calmly like two matured, romantic lovers, no matter what the topic is. You have lost all respect for each other (Find out 15 Shocking Signs Of Disrespect you might be experiencing here).
You begin feeling your partner is “less than” what he/she was. You start holding him/her in contempt, and as such statements like; “you are an idiot”, “foolish you”, “you are such a narcissist”, “you have no sense of humor”, becomes normal.
Yelling at your spouse becomes a quick and easy option, and losing arguments feels like a blow to your pride.
The key to rectifying this challenge is to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard. You may also need the assistance of a professional counselor to help you find solutions to the problems that don’t seem to go away.
More so, it may be necessary to compromise a little bit to meet in the middle to regain the peace and sweetness you desire – you can achieve that by checking out 8 Sane Step To Stop Fighting In A Relationship.
8. Lack Of Intimacy
Romance is an essential part of every marriage at every step of the way. The fact remains that physical intimacy is what makes a relationship more than just a platonic friendship.
It paves way for a boost in your emotion, which in turn increases closeness in which both partners feel secure and loved and in which trust and communication abound.
Maintaining emotional intimacy requires work and attention. Apart from lovemaking, there are other ways to be intimate with your spouse.
You can show affection through small acts like daily kisses on the cheek, hugs, holding hands, back rubs, foot rubs, or even phone calls (from time to time) just to say “I love you”.
However, if intimacy is missing in your marriage, there will be cracks in your relationship, leading to potentially a permanent loss of emotional and verbal connection with your spouse.
And can quickly ruin a marriage or be a very common of the reasons for divorce, because it leaves couples feeling as though they are living with a stranger or more like roommates than lovers.
It can take a toll on your self-esteem, loneliness haunts you, and the risk of indulging in an affair becomes high.
So to curb this, or to regain connection, silence the electronics, be emotional, increase the amount of time spent together – you could read a book, play some games, take a trip, the list is endless. Just do anything that’ll make you positively occupied with each other, and enjoy your bliss.
I have compiled the best intimacy tips in 12 Things To Improve Marriage Intimacy and Things To Do With Your Spouse Before 8 AM For A Greater Intimacy.
9. Getting Married For The Wrong Reasons
Marriage is a beautiful way to express love and commitment – if your reasons are right. But unfortunately, some people who get married have unreasonable expectations about what marriage should be about, and they wind up bitterly disappointed when the fairytale does not match up with reality.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
For example, if a person marries for the reason of being happy, when the person isn’t happy, he or she may be compelled to force his/her significant other to make the changes required to make the unhappy person happy again.
This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing, and/or bribing (which could also be one of the top reasons for breakups), without them realizing that no one is going to be happy being with you if you can’t be happy being by yourself.
And for some, it’s for fame, influence, money, kids, because all your friends are married, or perhaps to prove to your ex that you’ve happily moved on.
Or to solve your relationship problems – you think that marriage is the remedy you need so the fights will stop and the spark will come back. Or whether it is to escape your family of origin and to prove you can do it all on your own, all these are for the wrong reasons.
When we think about two people getting married, we’d like to think that their decision is based on true love. That they have found the person they want to grow old with.
So, change your mentality to one that expresses love, appreciation, and completeness for yourself, then extending such to others won’t be so difficult, and getting these in return would be easier because you attract what you give.
Incompatibility is one of the many common reasons for divorce. Everybody grows and changes in their own personal life’s journey.
You both take on new challenges, habits, and interest change, your careers move forward. You become parents, perhaps you both modify your political and religious views, etc. but as long as you still have love and affection for each other, a happy marriage is completely possible (even if you are very different).
When incompatible couples are married, they are unable to harmonize their lives. They discover that their natures, intellects, emotions, and habits are never compatible, hence perpetually spring forth conflict and their love becomes shaken.
The first passion is over, and the reality becomes bold. It’s like you are starting to lose yourself while being in a relationship with them, and almost like you married someone else.
You no longer share any of the same interests, and are never on the same page – maybe you want kids and that’s completely off the table for your partner.
You are both hardened people and tend to hold your ground no matter what without you trying out compromise, apologies, or admit you are wrong. Hence the relationship begins to face an untold crisis.
However, it is important to be able to talk about what you and your significant other wants, and have a clearcut picture of your dream both as an individual and as a couple.
And find ways possible to study each other, in order to amplify what your spouse may admire and decrease their hates or dislikes.
Three things cannot be hidden long; the sun, the moon, and the truth. This holds true for marriages and relationships. It is a well-known fact that we love to look better than we are in the eyes of our sweethearts, but keeping secrets is a hotbed for betrayal.
Secrecy is one of the top reasons for divorce. Intentionally keeping information hidden from your partner can be catastrophic. On the surface, it may seem like your marriage is smooth sailing, but five minutes later, it is in a fight for its life when those secrets blow up.
When you keep a secret from your partner, you are excluding him or her from your life and in particular the part of your life that impacts upon your partner. The deceiver hides or lies about pieces of information that his/her partner should know about.
For example, people delude their partners to force them into marriage or something like that. Men tell girls tales about their wealth, girl conceals the truth about their previous relationships, and so on.
So people struggle with mental illness, some have trust issues, and perhaps others have got a history with STDs. These are things you want to share, even if it feels scary.
Withholding such facts or information is harmful manipulation. And keeping secrets makes your partner less trustful of you, and could affect emotional connection, whereas begin open with your partner will promote trust, honest communication, and a strong bond.
Religion as absurd as it may sound is one of the reasons for divorce. Religion can cause a rise in problems for couples – especially if they are of a different faith.
Researchers have estimated that couples in interfaith marriages are less happy than those in same-faith marriages.
These missteps can have you setting yourselves up for festering bitterness, nagging tensions, and continuing arguments about your religious differences in your interfaith marriage, especially if you cannot agree on how your children should be raised, or there are disagreements with certain aspects of the religion like dressing, prayer patterns, diet, etc. and this can be blown out of proportion if not handled rightly.
Hence, a high level of understanding and cooperation through effective communication is necessary to be implemented by both partners, for a peaceful and sustainable relationship.
13. Criminal Record
Crime is never beautiful. Whether they be organized crime, property crime, consensual or victimless crime, or violent crime. And it is never okay for whatever reasons.
It is an offensive action, and it’s punishable by law or the state. However, if a spouse has been convicted or charged with a crime, it can be a suitable ground for divorce.
Hence, it is good for partners to put always put their emotions in check, as well as being content with each phase of life, report issues they can’t handle, and ultimately obey the law.
14. Parent’s Divorce
Experiencing a divorce is never a sweet thing – especially for children and it is one of the many reasons for divorce or increasing rates of divorce today. It feeds them with too many struggles and challenges of life, which can affect other aspects of their lives.
These children generally have more negative attitudes towards marriage as an institution and are less optimistic about the feasibility of a long-lasting, healthy marriage, because they did not get to watch their parents, model healthy relationship skills.
Parental divorce makes it more difficult for children to trust their parents. This can be extended to their romantic relationship in the future (if not handled rightly).
And if they extend a little level of trust, it doesn’t last. They often remind themselves things can change rapidly and unexpectedly.
To reduce risks and avoid hard feelings they choose not to trust easily. And a lack of trust frequently hinders a deepening of their relationship. For some even as grownups – the pain is still very much real because they thought and still think that their parents’ divorce is somehow their fault.
Hence, they are unable to fully express love, because they aren’t sure what the outcome would be. All these have got different ways of telling on your spouse and relationship.
So, learn to forgive yourself, forgive your parents too, and let those hurt go. Try to see your spouse as a different person who cares about you, and appreciate all his/her positive sides.
You are who you are (by your actions) and your parents have chosen their path. You can make that difference (if only you choose to).
This can be one of the valid reasons for divorce. Usually, it refers to a situation in which one spouse severs ties with the family, abandoning their responsibility.
It involves a spouse physically leaving the marital home for a long period. And it’s usually without the consent of the other partner.
For example in a movie where someone shockingly comes home to an empty house, only to find a note from their partner that says “I’m leaving”. It can be very devastating for the abandoned couple.
However, he or she can file for a “fault” divorce after a year or two for the spouse’s absence. Notwithstanding, unintentional abandonment is not desertion.
That is to say; if a man is missing in action while serving in the Armed services, his spouse may not obtain a divorce on desertion ground since her spouse did not intend to do so.
However, couples should improve on their communication level, and learn to table serious issues more constructively. If you are the abandoned partner, sum up courage and move on.
Your life doesn’t depend on those who left but the uncountable beautiful reasons why you are still alive. Also seeing a therapist (to help you heal better) never gets old.
Challenges can cause a lot of strain for couples in a relationship. However one of the solutions for divorce is to never neglect your relationship issues.
Take stock (of your relationship) early, and make changes as they are needed. But if you feel you simply must leave your marriage, that is a decision that you and no one else can make.
However, try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control. Sending you all Love And Light, Ciao!
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