For most people, it is usually the end of the road but this is not what you want for your relationship. So, your browser history reads, ‘how to fix a relationship after cheating and this is probably not the only article you have read on this topic but we would like this to be your last.
The truth of the matter is that everybody makes mistakes and although they do not all have the same weight, the fact that it is a mistake doesn’t change.
How to reconcile a relationship after cheating isn’t so different from how to apologize when you steal something. You first return the goods, then say you are sorry for stealing them in the first place – afterward you promise not to steal again and you keep that promise.
Saying I won’t do it again and honoring that after apologizing for the act, is how to move forward in a relationship after cheating.
History has shown us that people have heard successful relationships after cheating, so when yours works out it will not be the first time, such is happening.
Before going through this article, we had a chat with a couple – they were celebrating 35 years of marriage. You could tell they had so much love for each other but then we quickly got to realize that no marriage is as rosy as the couples make you believe it is.
The story, in summary, was that the man cheated with his secretary twice, and the wife walked in on them the second time it happened. In the world of today, that marriage is done or that is the accepted ideology but this in real-time is not the case.
His wife was devastated and she didn’t go home or take his calls for weeks, she switched off her phone and shut the world out. He got in contact with her later when she turned the phone back on and she gave him a location.
She had been staying in a hotel for two weeks – when asked she said the first thing that softened her heart was the fact that the first thing he did once he came was to ask the total bill she had paid during her stay from the room to her food.
Then he sent all of it to her account. He got back and before he said I am sorry, he showed her his secretary’s sack letter then he went on to apologize and make promises that he kept. Ultimately, she said it was hard but still easy to forgive him for the things he did then.
From a man who cheated on me twice, to a man who loved me even more than he did when we started this journey. The wife said sometimes she is grateful that things went the way they did because, at the end of the day, it gave them perspective.
What could have been the end of the road for this couples turned out to be a crossroad from where the love grew stronger and this to can be your fate, you can stop asking how to fix a relationship after you cheated; all you need to do is follow these lines down to the last.
HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING
All the things you need when you are looking at how to fix a relationship after cheating already been offered in their story but for good measure, we got him to break it down into steps. He gave us 15 of them and they are;
1. You Must Feel Remorse
If you are not sorry for your actions, I wonder why you want to know how to rebuild a relationship after cheating. There is no need to go through all this stress if you are not sorry for betraying the trust it took months and years to build.
The first step when you are looking for how to fix a relationship after cheating is to first be sorry about what you have done.
Our subject couple told us that when she was in the hotel, she sent her sister to see how he was doing and it was obvious he was devastated about what he had done, so when he said he was sorry, she knew he wasn’t just saying it to get her back home, he meant it.
There is no reason to lie anymore, you have already been caught so if you want to save yourself be honest about things. If they could find out you are cheating, do you think they cannot find out the other things you did?
In the instant, it will hurt but they deserve to know what went down, knowing will help them heal more, this is how to survive infidelity and restore your friendship.
Going back to our guy, he was caught once but he said the truth and told her it happened twice – this made her believe the things he said afterward easily, one of which was I am sorry and I want you back home.
It becomes easier for the other person to believe you when you provide unsolicited information that you don’t need to when explaining. Honesty will always be how to fix a relationship after cheating.
3. Remove The Temptation From The Equation
This is the most important part of the apology; we know you promised not to do it again but do you expect trust from your partner judging from what has happened?
The equation became unbalanced when you cheated and added a third person to the mix knowing fully well that 1 + 1 is going to be 1 with the two of you. So, to make things balanced again the temptation has to be removed from the equation.
Delete all the contact information you have with the person you cheated with but before that let them know that it was the worst decision of your life and you are fully committed to your wife.
4. Talk About Why It Happened
You are not in high sensual urge; you didn’t just wake up one more with cheating on your mind. Well, if this is what happened in your case then we suggest you give yourself a knock on the head before you continue reading.
You must share why you cheated with your partner. It could be something they were doing and then they stopped that you found enticing.
We know of a man who began cheating on his wife for the stupidest of reasons. They were both Christians and in church, she was told the oral intercourse was a sin so she stopped giving him blowjobs during intercourse.
This was his favorite part of intercourse with his wife so he went in search of it elsewhere when he couldn’t endure things again.
Most times, talking about why it happened is the only way you can prevent it from happening again and it is how to heal after being cheated on and stay together.
5. You Don’t Say It To Everyone
If there is a golden rule when you are how to fix a relationship after cheating, this is it. Regardless of how close they might seem to you, not everyone deserves to know all that is going on in your household.
The reason is that when your partner cheats on you or you cheat on them and you tell people, they tend to give you advice, and half the time they know nothing about the topic.
The only person that is fully fit to advise you when you cheat or you are cheated on is someone that knows the whole story and that person is your partner. So, talk it out with them instead, this is how to repair a relationship after cheating.
6. Give Them Space To Heal
Most times we would thinking leaving them or giving them space after we apologize is a bad thing because they would think about it too much and probably make a bad decision but this isn’t true although it might happen rarely.
When things like this happen, people would need time to process the information in other to come to terms with what has happened and to do that sometimes they need space.
It is not going to be the best few days for the both of you but if you are looking for how to fix a relationship after cheating, we suggest you give them space to heal after an apology.
7. Spend More Time Together
Yes, you would have to give them time to heal but then your presence is needed also. They need to know you are still there because in their head you are gone.
So, if you normally would spend days with them, we suggest you make it weeks, just be there for them and do whatever you know will make them happy.
Look at things this way, you have ruined the love and trust you had and now you are building everything from scratch. This is a do-over, so go back to your past questions, watch clips from the past, how did you win her heart.
Find out the things you did right then and double the effort to win her again, this is how to fix a relationship after cheating.
8. Understand What They Want
Maybe it was a joke to you before now, you didn’t pay attention to their needs but no it is a must. You already messed up and you are trying to get on their good books again so you have no excuse.
So, find out her love language again and make sure you learn how to speak it to the fullest. Treat her with as much affection and attention as you can muster.
Reassurance that you care for them should now be an everyday thing and then appreciate them for still sticking by you even when they didn’t have to.
9. Rebuild The Trust
With every fiber in your body, this has to be all you think of from the day they say I forgive you till the day it is gotten again. Create the atmosphere however way possible, just make sure the trust comes back again.
This is how to fix a relationship after cheating, you do that by making them trust you again even if it is the last thing they will want to do. Trust is the only thing that will make things the way there were before you cheated on them.
10. Forget About It
I know you will be tempted to bring it up at every instance you get but just don’t. There are usually going to be two reasons why you would want to bring it up – one, you think they are acting up/getting upset because they haven’t forgiven or two, you feel like they are holding on to that and it is why you are knowingly hurting you.
Regardless of what you think things are, don’t just bring it up, forget about it – that is not how to fix a relationship after cheating. You fix it by helping them forget it even happened and bring it up will be doing the opposite of that.
11. Accept Full Responsibility
You did the deed and now you will also have to do the time, this is a popular saying around criminals but we think it applies here too.
You cheated, betrayed the trust that took you several years to build –you deserve whatever it is that is coming to you now.
You brought it upon yourself, so accepting full responsibility is important. You don’t get angry when they give you an attitude even after they say they love you.
They might decide to sleep on the bed with you but intercourse is not a giving, they are within their rights to say no to whatever and you have no moral ground to complain.
12. Forgiveness Won’t Happen Overnight
Once you realize this then how to fix a relationship after cheating because a whole lot easier for you. It is not going to happen the minute you say u am sorry or they say they forgive you.
Most times it is going to be a rollercoaster filled with 2 steps forward and 3 steps backward, so you have to prepare yourself mentally.
There are days when they would first want you close and at the same time push you away and if you are not mentally prepared for things like that you might just snap and lose what you are trying to build back.
13. Communicate, More Than You Used To
You would have to do this, even more, when you have messed up badly. Almost everything we talk about getting to this point involves communication, you have to communicate and be honest about what happened, about how it made you feel, and what you want to do going forward.
Find out what they want now and be honest about how you want this whole thing to just be a mistake and how you still want to be in the relationship.
They have to know that you still love and want them, communication – that’s it, that is how to fix a relationship after cheating.
14. Don’t Be Negative Minded
One of the mistakes we usually make is that we conclude even before the start that things will not work out, so when you try to make things work, you are only doing so to fulfill all righteousness, not really because you believe you will get them back and things will go back to normal.
The reason why we don’t want this mindset is that it diminishes your efforts without you knowing it. You will always be reluctant to try harder and they won’t always accept I am sorry the first time you say it which makes things a little harder. It is going to be a rollercoaster ride and it only gets harder if you are not mentally prepared for it.
15. Therapy Is A Good Option
Sometimes all these things will work but not to a great effect, cheating is a very big emotional burden for anyone to carry.
Even your head will not be in the right place after it happens and this is why you must seek help from a professional. A couple’s counseling is the perfect solution for both of you.
Space where you open up to a professional about what happened and why it happened then you also look for the solutions to the problems together. With a therapist, you are sure the root cause of your problems will be identified and a solution would be gotten.
It is not going to be easy especially for your partner – seeing someone you love to be with another person, that has to be the ultimate heartbreak, and moving on with the relationship from there is going to be tough usually but if there is one thing we know, is that it can be done and you can do it.
You just have to follow these 15 steps on how to fix a relationship after cheating. Hopefully, you see a good result as most couples have testified following it.
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