Have you ever thought if you are doing the right thing in the bedroom? Maybe, your sensual life is not giving off the right vibes and you are wondering if you are not doing certain things wrong.
It’s really okay if you ask yourself these questions. You should not be ashamed of it. It only proves that you are seeking to make better actions that will bring that blissful connection that you seek in your sensual life.
You see, many women feel that there is a stigma attached to talking openly about life in the bedroom. Therefore they are not equipped with the right knowledge on how to spice their intimate life and have repeatedly made mistakes that in the long run, would cause it to derail.
Many women know that it’s pretty easy to please their men in bed. To an extent, this is true. The system of pleasing them is not as complicated as that of pleasing a woman in bed. After all, just the sight of a topless woman arouses most men. But it’s not exactly simple like that. Men also have their turn-offs.
It may be something that can immediately put them out of the mood or it could be something that would douse the steam of their sensual lives slowly but surely.
These turn-offs are mistakes women make in bed that you can learn to avoid. Since every man is unique, you may not need to apply all the rules but be intuitive to your man and know what pleases him or not in the bedroom.
So I will tell you eleven mistakes women make in bed and how to avoid them.
1. Never Telling Your Man How To Please You
How on earth many women get to think that a man should know exactly what to do with their bodies is what I will never understand. Is he psychic? Is he superhuman? So how does he get to know your epic pleasure points when he is not in your body?
Even if he is an experienced lover, it is only when you tell him what pleases you, for instance where to touch for longer, that he will know how to concentrate on those areas that maximize the pleasure that you deserve.
Don’t be there fuming in frustration. Speak up. You are involved in the intimate act as much as he is and it will make it easier for him when he is equipped with the knowledge from you on how to please you.
Also, infuse kindness and gentleness into your words as you tell him what to do. Don’t sound irritable when talking to him. You know that a guy’s ego is delicate. Rather, be diplomatic. For instance, you can say, “Baby, I like it when you touch me like this for longer”.
Infact, the simple murmurings of “yes, yes” when he is doing something that you like can tell him that he is doing the right thing.
But whatever you do, don’t expect him to read your mind. No matter how you wish him to be, he is not telepathic. So, communicate to him.
2. When You Never Initiate Lovemaking
There was a time I was walking close to two women and happened to overhear their conversation. One thing that struck me was how one of them suggested to the other to maybe spice up things up a little by initiating making love once in a while.
The other woman’s eyes went as wide as saucers as she exclaimed “What? Is it not a man’s duty to initiate making love?”
Trust me when I say it took everything in me not to retort how can a woman be so outdated in this twenty-first century. It was not in my place to say, so I didn’t.
But seriously, how can it be that your man would initiate lovemaking for every time you guys are in the mood for it
This is a really fast way to make your sensual life boring and stale. Your man is probably already tired of initiating intimacy every single time.
Spice things. Say something naughty that will get him in the mood. Buy and display sensual lingerie in front of him. If he is watching television, touch him in those places that will make him forget about what is on screen.
And instead of going to the bedroom, you guys can make love right there in the sitting room if you two are are alone in the house. Do all these and you will see how interesting your bedroom life will become. Thank me later (wink!).
3. Lying There Like A Wood
This is one of the mistakes women make in bed. And if you have sat among a gathering of men when they talk about what turns them off during lovemaking with their women as I have, you will know that this particular mistake comes up frequently. It is a problem when you don’t know how to be more active in bed as a woman.
You shouldn’t just lie under him like a dead fish, doing absolutely nothing while he contributes all of his efforts.
Lovemaking is an intimate act between two persons and both parties should be involved in maximizing the bliss they will feel.
Move, respond to his touches, initiate your touches. Let him know you are in it as much as he is. Otherwise, he might start thinking there is no much difference from jacking off when he is alone or making love to a doll. And you don’t want that, do you?
4. Bad Hygiene
This is one of the mistakes women make in bed that makes me wonder if women consider their partners at all. How do you go tangling limbs with someone when you know you literally stink?
Come on, you wouldn’t like that if it was being done to you, would you? You barely endure sitting down in a bus with someone who doesn’t smell nice and so how can it be condoled in the bedroom?
Fortunately, this mistake can be easily remedied. Not only should you keep clean as a woman by having a shower, but you should also ensure your pubic hair is well maintained so that people don’t go asking your man if an animal has scratched him. It cannot be overemphasized how essential good hygiene is for a healthy lovemaking life.
5. Don’t Yell Because He Slept After Making Love
Okay, let’s admit it, romantic movies have warped our ideology of how a bedroom life is supposed to be. Just because you find it cute how a guy on the screen will cuddle his woman after making love and whisper mushy poetry to her does not mean that your own man sleeping off after the deed does not care for you.
For here is a news flash: dozing off after making love has even been explained by science. Prolactin, Oxytocin, and Melatonin which are induced by making love provide a perfect combination for a blissful sleep.
Oh now that’s something new, right?
So now that you know he can’t actually help sleeping after the deed, do not become pissed at your man because he did not cuddle you as you feel he should. Don’t go creating problems in the bedroom relationship when there should be none. It’s just pure biology in play here.
6. Faking A Climax
If you could see me right now as I am writing this, you would ask me why am I yelling. Well, I am actually yelling: NEVER YOU FAKE A CLIMAX! This is one of the mistakes women make in bed that should have never been there in the first place.
I was absolutely speechless when my friend told me one evening that she has never gotten a climax during lovemaking with her husband. Of course, I didn’t believe her at first. Was she trying to tell me that in a marriage of seven years plus, she had never had a climax?
It was actually true. My friend, afraid to wound her husband’s pride concerning his inability to bring her to that brink of glorious ecstasy, had been faking her climaxes all these years. To me, it was unimaginable. But on further research, I found out many women ask questions even online on how and when to fake a climax.
Jeez, when to fake a climax should be never. Communicate to your partner. Teach him how to please you. Otherwise, he will keep repeating the mistakes just because he thinks you are pleased with them.
Alex Baldwin puts it better: “Remember, lovemaking is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.”
7. Denying Him Lovemaking
This is one of the mistakes women make in bed. Whenever they have a friction with their husband, they think denying him making love is the solution to doing their bidding.
This is wrong as it is not only manipulative but also does the exact opposite of its purpose. If you have an issue with your partner, have a constructive discussion with him.
Settle your differences amicably so that you guys can round things up in the bedroom. Learn how to communicate better and openly with your spouse here.
8. Making Love In The Dark
This is one of the many mistakes women make in bed without even being aware they are making it. Whether it is as a result of women feeling insecure about their bodies or they think that’s how it’s being done normally, women prefer the room to be dark when making love.
But the thing is most men are not wired that way. They want to see the face, hair, and body of the woman they are making love to. And so they feel very uncomfortable when you make them connect intimately with you in the dark.
You can ease things by making a bit of a compromise. You shouldn’t be feeling insecure about your body. No one has the right to do that.
So, if you want to know how to get better in bed for guys, you have to loosen up a bit.
Besides, it doesn’t have to be very bright; a candlelight or a night light can do the trick so that you two can be mutually satisfied.
9. Being Insecure About Yourself
Many women commit these mistakes. In bed, they become self-conscious of their body flaws and this is visible in the way they act.
They start thinking about how fat or thin or old or scarred they are and so do not actually enjoy the lovemaking. This should not be so.
A man is enticed and aroused by a woman who despite her flaws, is confident about herself and her body. Being unconfident will only ruin the vibes needed to have a healthy sensual life.
So dear, stop cowering each and every time you are naked. Stand tall. Take charge. You are beautiful just the way you are!
10. Doing The Same Old Routine
Just imagining doing something over and over again for ages. You can see the word, boredom, flashing like neon lights in your head, right? That’s what happens when you repeat such in the bedroom.
A boring intimate life will lose its vibrancy and become stale. Don’t be comfortable with it. But rather spice things. Research for a variety of new things to make your sensual life exciting and incorporate it.
Like for instance, lovemaking doesn’t have to be on the bed every single time, does it? Shake things up! Check out 15 Ways To Spice Things Up And Bring Back The Honeymoon Phase.
11. Doing What You Are Uncomfortable With
This is one of the mistakes women make in bed. You should know what not to do in bed with a guy. You shouldn’t do things that infringe on your core values as an individual, no matter how your partner insists.
For instance, if you are uncomfortable with making love unprotected or BDSM, then you shouldn’t even if your partner insists.
It’s your body at stake and so you should be comfortable with whatever you are involved in. Don’t let him manipulate his way into winning on sensitive issues that affect you drastically. If he cares for you, he will respect your wishes and also, consider your comfort.
You own your body and so you owe it to yourself to have a vibrant sensual life. Achieving this will involve a lot of learning, unlearning, and relearning. It may seem to you a lot of work but you are the one to gain in the end.
The state of your intimate life affects the productivity of the other aspects of your life.
Sue Johanson would say, “Lovemaking is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sensual human beings because we are all sensual?”
She asks us a question that affirms that it’s not important to brood over the fact that we make mistakes in the bedroom but rather, we should make effort in learning how to correct them for a more flourishing intimate life. For more resources, check out Best Ted Talks On Relationships, Things A Man Wants In A Relationship, And 11 Bedroom Habits Happy Couples Swear By.
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