Just imagine doing something over and over again that only turns off the man in your life without you knowing. That’s certainly one thought that spurns an intense migraine, isn’t it?
And I wouldn’t blame you. It would feel like you have been moving in a circle for hours with no direction. That’s because you were thinking you have been doing something meaningful for your relationship but in the actual truth, you have only been doing the exact opposite.
Maybe, you got off the wagon of a stable relationship every time you stepped into it and then tried to stay on it. And so a thought whirled in your head: is it me that is the problem? You are thinking that maybe you were not doing things exactly right.
And that disturbed you so much that you left other things you were doing to grab your phone or laptop to seek some answers. And that’s how you found this post you are reading.
Or maybe, you have not yet got off the wagon of a relationship but you know things are really, really shaky. And you are wondering if there were things you were doing wrong and you want to right them quickly before it gets too late.
And that’s why you are here. Or maybe, the relationship is not shaky. But you don’t want it heading in that direction at all.
First of all, I want you to ease your mind a bit. I assure you that most women in this world have felt the same. And we can’t blame ourselves too much, can we?
After all, we certainly do not live in these men’s minds and we cannot know by ourselves most of the things that turn men off. That’s why we women have to have one another’s back.
And dear, it’s your back I am certainly having when this post’s idea formed in my head and then had to share with you.
Stay with me as I tell you ten things that turn guys off in a relationship. Who knows? You might learn a thing or two that will finally get you that relationship you have been desiring. So let’s go on the ride of knowing what turns men off.
1. Extreme Self-Centeredness
This is commonly the biggest turn off for a man that is in a relationship with you. When you are only concerned about what matters to you in a relationship, without considering the welfare of your man, then things are bound to get heated.
Take for instance that you go on a date with your partner. A date is meant to know more about the other person. But no, you had turned it into a lecture about yourself and expounded without being asked on the numerous achievements you have, and hardly gave your partner time to slip in a sentence or two about himself.
It will appear that you are not interested in making the relationship a partnership. This will quickly cool the embers of the attraction he has for you as he will see you have built a world that’s comfortable for you alone and not for the two of you as a couple.
What turns men off faster than the fact that they know they can’t trust the women that they are in a relationship with? Few things, I must tell you. Trust is one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship and its death is rapidly caused by lies and half-truths.
When you hide the truth from your partner with no tangible reason at all, then it gives room for suspicion to slip into the relationship. And before you know it, the attraction your man has for you will begin to fizzle out.
This makes me remember what my mother used to tell my sister and I when we were still young girls. She would say that even though it seems an arduous thing to do, we should tell the truth to our men at all times.
That is because when the truth comes out (and we know that in this life, the truth always finds a way of coming out), then it will cause a lot of crashes that if not handled carefully, might cause the relationship to collapse, no matter how long the relationship has been.
So, on that note, learn to be honest with your partner at all times because that’s one of the basic foundations of Building Trust in a relationship.
3. Being Extremely Needful
This is one of the things women do that turns a man off in a relationship. When you tune the act of caring to higher levels by becoming too desperate for the guy’s love, then it makes him want to run to the opposite ends of the earth away from you.
Guys don’t like women who are too needy. And, sadly, many women do this nowadays: they get to a point in the relationship that what they only look forward to “his” visits and calls.
They seek approval from their men before making any decision. And they think they have been doing what is best for the relationship but meanwhile, it’s one of the things that makes the relationship unhealthy and ultimately, drives the guy away from them. Learn about the 7 Things A Man Needs From You In A Relationship.
4. You Do Not Initiate Conversations
What’s the foundation of a healthy relationship? Communication right? Then what do you think will happen when it’s just the guy that invests energy in kick-starting communication between the two of you?
Of course, you thought right; he will feel he’s doing the work in the relationship and not the both of you as it should have been.
And he will not feel inclined to invest more energy in the relationship. This is true also in phone conversations as one-word replies in chats is what turns a guy off while texting.
I remember when one of my male friends from college complained about this to me during a hangout. He was bitter about how his interest in his girlfriend seems to be wearing out because she did not match half of the energy he gives during conversations.
Even after I placed a phone call to his girlfriend to give some advice as a friend, the issue persisted. So I wasn’t too surprised when I heard the news that they were no longer together. So, not matching the energy in conversations is one of the biggest turn off for guys.
5. Demanding More Than He Promised You
There are different types of relationships; there is the casual one that has no serious intentions attached and there is the serious one where solemn promises and commitments are made. So you should know the one you are getting into immediately.
That’s because demanding more than your man promised to give you at the beginning of the relationship will only turn off your man.
If you are in a casual relationship with no strings attached, then asking for commitment will make him uncomfortable with you.
Many women make the mistake of staying in casual relationships with the hope that if they become very close and caring, that the men will promise them their hearts forever.
Most times, regrets become the tales on their lips as they would later discover it wasn’t as they hoped. And demanding for the commitment will only do more harm than good.
6. When You Bad-Mouth Everything Around You
You want to do a test and try out what turns men off? Then go on a date with a guy and then say nothing good about anybody that comes across the both of you.
Watch your date quickly get uncomfortable. Read his gestures that say loud and clear that he wishes he is somewhere else.
That’s because bad mouthing people as a habit is what turns men off as a rule. They would have this thought that if you could be so mean about a waiter you don’t even know or so sarcastic about those you call your friends, then you would probably say the same things about them in the presence of other people.
And besides, nobody really wants to be around those who are a constant source of negativity. Being that only drives them away as far as they can.
7. Unresponsiveness During Intimacy
One of the main things men sought in a relationship is intimacy. That includes lovemaking, cuddling, and kissing among other things.
What turns men off is when the women they are with makes intimacy seem like a chore instead of being a spontaneous joy-giving aspect of a relationship.
When women do not initiate intimacy especially in bed or when they turn to stone when the men initiate it, it only makes the guy feel he’s not sensually attractive. And that would slowly and steadily create apathy in him towards the woman.
Someone once said variety is the spice of life. And this is very vital in the bedroom. So if you do not make an effort to achieve this in the bedroom, then you stand a high risk of making your man uninterested in you. For guys, it is one of their basic turn offs in a relationship. Learn about how to turn a guy on in bed here.
8. When You Don’t Support Him
A man is happy when you as the partner in his life show interest and give support to whatever makes him feel fulfilled. It could be his career or his more private life. But if it is not the case and rather, you show disinterest in the things he is passionate about, then it turns him off.
Learn to support your man, his dreams, goals, and aspiration. Be his loudest cheerleader and make him feel appreciated and loved at all times; he’ll definitely love you forever.
9. When You Do Not Hold A Distinct Life Of Your Own
Every man desires a capable woman. That is someone who can make decisions on her own and act on them. When a woman is excessively dependent on other people, especially her man, it turns off the man. That’s because he will think that you would shrivel and die if he’s not around to make decisions.
A man does not feel attracted to a woman who does not have a life of her own—no career, no friends, no hobbies, no goals, no ambition.
So, get your life together by going after that lifelong dream. Pursue that your career goal with determination and live your best life with friends and family by your side.
You’ll definitely feel accomplished, happier and your man being insanely attracted to you will be the icing on the cake.
10. When You Are Insecure
Being insecure is what turns men off faster than the wink of an eye. When you do not trust your man and always fret that he’s up to no good whenever he’s not with you, then you are only doing one of the things that turn men off.
Snooping into his private things like his phone, nagging about his whereabouts, and being unnecessarily jealous about his female friends only makes him want to be one thousand miles away from you. It is one of their physical turn offs.
That is the reason my brother’s fiancee became his ex. She was beautiful and successful, so it was confusing to us all how she would rant bitterly for hours if she saw another woman have a discussion with my brother for more than ten minutes.
She became a nightmare to him and we weren’t so surprised when my brother informed us that there wasn’t going to be any wedding any time soon. Certainly not with that fiancee of his.
So being insecure as a woman, especially when you have a partner that is rich, handsome, and popular, only drives them off. It only makes you come out as being heavily dependent on the relationship.
You might get uncomfortable for a bit after reading all this info about what turns men off. That is one thing with acquiring knowledge, you see.
It rings into our heads that we actually know so little when we had previously thought otherwise. But in those brooding moments, let’s use the words of Alvin Toddler to comfort us: “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”
You will appreciate it when you are able to have a healthy relationship with a man that you love because of what you have learned now.
This calls to mind what Maya Angelou, a legendary writer that I cherish, once said: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
What an apt saying you need to hear now, right? It’s true dear. You now know what turns men off. So in your future connection with the people of the male species, now that you know better, do better!
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