You should know that there are many things to consider before agreeing to spend forever with someone. It’s essential to consider factors that have the potential to destroy a marriage, which is why we have marriage deal-breakers. These help you uphold your principles and standards as a person.
Honestly, in this case, it’s okay to be selfish. When assessing whether someone is marriage material, you test them against various standards, including your marriage deal-breakers. In a more polite sense, you’re doing what’s best for yourself and for them.
Canceling a marriage potential because they possess one or more of your marriage deal-breakers doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it mean you’ll ultimately hate each other. It simply means you’re not compatible. There’s probably someone else better suited for them, but that person is not you.
When it comes to these deal-breakers, you choose the standards and decide how much they matter to you. You determine whether a particular metric is negotiable or not.
Marriage is a big deal, and it’s okay to feel anxious sometimes. However, having the right information to help you become self-aware will calm your marriage nerves. These top marriage deal-breakers will help you decide whether you want to spend your life with someone or not.
What Is A Marriage Deal Breaker?
A marriage deal-breaker is a characteristic, behavior, or issue that is unacceptable to one partner, potentially ending the relationship. It is a personal limit or boundary that, if crossed, makes the relationship unsustainable.
How To Identify Your Deal Breakers In Marriage
Identifying your deal breakers in marriage is key to developing an honest and healthy relationship. If you’re looking at fully discovering yourself, follow these 5 simple steps to help you discover what your deal-breakers really are:
- Reflect on your values and non-negotiables
- Evaluate your relationship needs
- Consider your long-term goals and aspirations
- Examine your personal boundaries
- Explore past experiences and patterns
18 Biggest Marriage Deal Breakers To Avoid
Building a strong and healthy marriage requires effort and dedication, but some issues can be so detrimental that they become deal-breakers, threatening to destroy the relationship.
By recognizing and addressing these deal breakers in marriage, couples can take proactive steps to prevent them from causing irreparable harm and work towards a more loving, supportive, and fulfilling partnership:
1. Engaging In Infidelity
The ultimate betrayal. I’ve seen countless relationships crumble under the weight of infidelity. The trust is shattered, leaving behind a trail of emotional devastation.
Not everyone knows how to fix a relationship after cheating. It’s not just the act itself, but the lies, deception, and gaslighting that often accompany it. The healing process is arduous, if not impossible.
I’ve had clients who’ve tried to rebuild their relationship after infidelity, only to find themselves forever changed, with a lingering sense of insecurity. If you value your relationship, remember that honesty and transparency are paramount.
Is your partner someone who sees infidelity as a culture or a norm? Know that infidelity is a deal-breaker that can leave scars that never fully fade.
2. Poor And Ineffective Communication
Poor and ineffective communication is one of the huge marriage deal-breakers because, let’s face it, what’s a relationship without effective communication?
If you or your partner don’t prioritize talking through issues, or if conversations feel forced or strained, that’s a major red flag.
When you find yourself confiding in friends or family instead of your partner, or walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, that’s a sign of poor communication. And if you don’t know each other’s love languages or can’t express your needs and desires, that’s a recipe for disaster.
If you think there’s hope in healing your communication barrier, digest these 15 powerful tips for a happy marriage. Without open, honest, and empathetic communication, a marriage can quickly become a battleground, and that’s a deal-breaker if I ever saw one.
3. Dishonesty
When trust is broken, it’s like shattering a mirror; the pieces can never be put back together perfectly. If you or your partner can’t be truthful about the little things, how can you trust each other with the big things?
Dishonesty creates a toxic environment of suspicion, resentment, and hurt. I’ve seen couples try to rekindle their relationship after deception, but the scars remain, and the relationship is forever changed.
Honesty is the foundation of a healthy marriage; without it, the entire structure crumbles.
Dishonesty is a deal-breaker because it erodes the very essence of a relationship: trust.
4. Display Of Disrespect
As far as we know, marriage is the coming together of two to become one. You become partners and trust each other even with the weird and uncomfortable things you know about each other. Disrespect will only trigger negative reactionary attitudes from your partner.
Nobody wants to be subdued. It’s normal to get upset and get into fights, but if it’s clear that they don’t rate you or treat you with pride, dignity, and care, that is a deal breaker glaring with a red sign.
Disrespect is a glaring red flag in any marriage. When one partner consistently displays contempt, condescension, or disdain towards the other, it’s a toxic act that can destroy the relationship from the inside out.
Marriage is about mutual respect, trust, and support, not about belittling or demeaning each other.
5. Emotional, Physical, Or Verbal Abuse
No one deserves to be belittled, humiliated, or harmed by the person they love.
When one partner uses power and control to dominate and hurt the other, it’s a deal-breaker that can leave deep scars. If you’re looking for the worst deal breakers in marriage, you are in the right place.
Abuse can take many forms, from subtle put-downs to outright v#olence, and it’s never acceptable. Abuse is one of the 8 worst things and habits that can ruin even the strongest marriage.
If your partner makes you feel small, or afraid, hits you, or is verbally aggressive, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Remember, love is about upliftment, support, and mutual respect – not about control or domination.
Abuse is a deal-breaker because it destroys the very foundation of a healthy relationship: safety, trust, and love.
Top Marriage Deal Breakers
6. Financial Irresponsibility
When your partner can’t get their financial act together, it’s a ticking time b#mb waiting to blow your relationship to smithereens.
The way I see it, marriage is all about building a life together, and that includes financial stability. But if one partner is out there making reckless purchases, hiding debt, or just being plain ol’ irresponsible with the coins, it’s a recipe for disaster, and you shouldn’t ignore these obvious marriage deal breakers.
You can’t build a life on shaky financial ground, and you definitely can’t trust someone who can’t manage their own money. If your partner’s financial habits are giving you gray hairs, it’s time to re-evaluate if this relationship is even worth it.
Financial irresponsibility is a deal-breaker. It doesn’t mean you are materialistic or superficial. With poor financial decisions, you will struggle to see the beauty of marriage. Trust me!
7. Lack Of Emotional And Physical Intimacy
So, it’s either they are not invested in the relationship, or you simply don’t connect, which signifies incompatibility. Well, I’d say, follow these 10 steps to finding your soulmate and say YES to someone with whom you can be intimate, both body and soul. Otherwise, you are ignoring a deal-breaker that can lead to a lifetime of unhappiness.
Lack of emotional and physical intimacy is one of the biggest marriage deal-breakers you must not overlook if you aim for a lifelong partnership.
8. Incompatible Values And Beliefs
When you and your partner have fundamentally different views on life, you can try to make it work, but eventually, the differences will show.
Newsflash: you can’t sacrifice your own beliefs and values without losing yourself in the process. If you and your partner can’t see eye-to-eye on the big things—like family, finances, religion, or lifestyle—it’s a deal-breaker.
Don’t try to convince yourself that love can conquer all; incompatible values and beliefs can lead to a lifetime of resentment and conflict.
Say YES to someone who shares your vision for life, and don’t settle for anything less.
9. Refusal To Compromise
Marriage is about teamwork, but when one person always gets their way, it creates a power imbalance. It’s important to know how to compromise in a relationship.
Two become one, and sacrifices must be made to maintain that unity. I’ve seen clients drained from trying to dialogue with their partner, only to face resistance.
If your partner won’t budge on important issues, it shows disrespect for your feelings, needs, and boundaries. Don’t try to change them; it’s a deal-breaker. Move on to someone who values mutual respect and compromise.
Remember, relationships are about finding common ground, not constantly clashing.
10. Add#ction And Subst#nce Ab#se
When one partner becomes add#cted, their behavior and priorities shift, causing emotional, financial, and physical distress for the other partner.
The add#ction takes center stage, leading to a breakdown in communication, trust, and intimacy. The relationship becomes increasingly strained as the non-add#cted partner feels helpless, frustrated, and resentful.
The add#ction can also lead to enabling behaviors, further entrenching the cycle. Ultimately, the relationship becomes unsustainable, leading to emotional exhaustion, health problems, and potentially, the end of the marriage. The impact is far-reaching, affecting not only the couple but also their loved ones.
Add#ction and subst#nce ab#se are marriage deal-breakers because it fundamentally change the dynamics of the relationship.
Common Deal Breakers In Marriage
11. Defensiveness And Dismissiveness
You see, when one partner becomes overly defensive and dismissive, it creates a dangerous dynamic. They refuse to listen, acknowledge, or validate their partner’s feelings, leading to frustration, hurt, and isolation. This behavior can stem from insecurity, fear, or pride, but it ultimately blocks constructive communication and empathy.
Imagine trying to express your feelings only to be met with “You’re being dramatic. I don’t want to talk about this,” or “That’s not a big deal.” It’s like hitting a brick wall, leaving you feeling unheard and unvalued.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel safe sharing their thoughts and emotions without fear of attack or dismissal.
When defensiveness and dismissiveness take hold, it’s a sign of deeper issues that need attention. Some might think such acts are mere expressions of gender imbalance, where there is typically an inferior partner and a superior one.
Now, ask yourself: Are you willing to put up with this? As for me, I do not subscribe!
12. Constant Criticism And Belittling
Constant criticism and belittling can be a total marriage k#ller.
Imagine walking on eggshells, never knowing when your partner will lash out with a hurtful comment or dismissive remark. I have had clients with narcissistic partners and it’s exhausting, demoralizing, and downright toxic.
When one partner constantly criticizes or belittles the other, it’s like a slow-moving po#son that erodes trust, intimacy, and connection.
If you’re constantly feeling unheard, unvalued, and disrespected, you don’t have to experience all the worst deal breakers in marriage. Take it from someone who’s been in both healthy and unhealthy relationships, it’s time to take a hard look at whether this relationship is truly sustainable for you.
13. Contempt And Mockery
Are you tired of feeling like you’re the punchline of your partner’s jokes? Do you feel humiliated, belittled, and unloved every time they speak to you? If so, you may be experiencing the toxic effects of contempt and mockery in your relationship.
Contempt and mockery are the salient relationship po#son. When one partner consistently shows contempt or mocks the other, it’s a clear sign of deep-seated disrespect, disdain, or even jealousy. This behavior can stem from unresolved issues, unaddressed anger, or even a lack of empathy.
If you notice any of the following behaviors in your partner, it may be time to take a step back:
- Rolling their eyes or sneering at you
- Making jokes at your expense
- Dismissing your thoughts and feelings
- Using sarcasm or a condescending tone
- Belittling your accomplishments
The above are marriage deal-breakers I learned from my narcissistic ex. I thought they were okay and perhaps just differences in communication and personality traits. So, I dealt with him for years until I met someone who turned things around.
My life literally changed for the better – my work output, my physical health, and even the kind of clothes I wore, all leveled up. It was like I was reborn.
So, these signs may not be common deal breakers in marriage- subtle and easy to bypass, but I didn’t want to marry a self-absorbed critic, and neither do you!
14. Stonewalling And Emotional Withdrawal
Stonewalling is when one partner refuses to engage in conversation or emotional connection, leaving the other feeling unheard, unseen, and unvalidated. This behavior can be a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, or unresolved issues, but it can also be a toxic control tactic.
So, unless you’re in some contract marriage, you should sit back and investigate why they’re willing to do forever with you if they’re intentionally pulling back from emotional connection.
Worst Deal Breakers In Marriage
15. Lack Of Trust And Mistrust
Can we really talk about marriage deal-breakers, without the subject of TRUST? Lack of trust and mistrust is a marriage deal-breaker because it erodes the very foundation of a healthy relationship.
Trust is the glue that holds couples together, allowing them to feel secure, supported, and valued. When trust is broken, it can be challenging to repair, and even if it is, the relationship is never quite the same.
Mistrust can lead to a toxic cycle of suspicion, anxiety, and hurt, making it impossible to build intimacy, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
16. Disloyalty
Disloyalty – a betrayal of the heart.
In a marriage, loyalty is a fundamental promise, a vow to stand by and support each other through life’s ups and downs. When disloyalty rears its head, it can be a devastating blow, shattering trust, and leaving emotional scars.
Whether it’s infidelity, secretive behavior, or prioritizing others over your partner, disloyalty can be a relationship d##th knell. It communicates a lack of commitment, respect, and love, making it challenging to recover from.
If disloyalty becomes a pattern, it may be a sign that the relationship has become unsustainable, and it’s time to reevaluate the marriage.
Remember, loyalty is a choice, and when consistently chosen, it fosters a deep and unshakeable bond.
17. Neglect And Emotional Abandonment
Neglect and emotional abandonment in a marriage can be devastating as they erode the foundation of trust and connection. When one partner feels ignored or unloved, it creates feelings of loneliness and resentment, leading to communication breakdown and emotional distance.
If your partner consistently neglects your emotional needs, it can be just as damaging as physical abandonment. Feeling unheard, unseen, and unvalued can lead to deep-seated hurt, resentment, and isolation.
Neglect can stem from various factors, including stress, busy schedules, or lack of emotional intelligence. However, when it becomes a pattern, it can be a sign of a deeper issue – a lack of emotional investment in the relationship.
If you go ahead to marry someone who is okay with neglect either as a result of trauma on their part, daily stress, or lack of interest in you, you will eventually experience the 12 signs of a bad marriage, leaving you in utter pain and regret.
18. Unresolved Conflict And Unforgiveness
How could you have a partner who holds a grudge like a long-term investment, refusing to let go of past hurts and resentments?
When we allow conflicts to simmer and unforgiveness to take root, it creates a toxic environment that consumes us. The buildup of hurt, anger, and resentment makes communication, connection, and finding common ground increasingly difficult.
If your partner uses your mistakes to manipulate or ab#se you, it’s a major red flag. Marriage should be a nurturing and supportive space, but unresolved conflict and unforgiveness can turn it into a toxic battlefield.
If we don’t confront our emotions and work towards genuine forgiveness, we risk causing irreparable harm to our partner and our relationship. Unresolved conflict and unforgiveness are among the worst deal-breakers in marriage!
The Bottom Line On Marriage Deal Breakers
You might wonder why I haven’t emphasized common marriage deal-breakers like s#xual compatibility, individual values, parenting style, work differences, location, mental, and physical state. In my experience, I’ve seen that the real deal-breakers are often the abstract and sentimental ones.
While the above factors are important, we tend to start by assessing our partner’s traits, emotional and character flaws instead. These are what I call the ‘relationship constants’ – aspects of a relationship or potential partner that are too rigid to change. If anything, these should be the first set of marriage deal-breakers we consider.
So, do you still think he’s the one? You can now focus on how to get him to propose. I’m here to guide you along the way, so please don’t hesitate to share your concerns or questions in the comments below. I’d love to help you on your journey to a more fulfilling marriage.
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