Do you pay attention more to your smartphone than your partner? Are you suffocating your partner with your presence and over clinginess? These are the things that ruin a marriage.
Certain things ruin a marriage, it doesn’t matter if you are a Christian brother from Iran marrying a Muslim sister from California. Once they are done, then the marriage is slowly ruined but the truth is there is a remedy.
There is always a remedy to whatever it is that you are going through. In the next few paragraphs, I will not only be sharing with you the things that can ruin your marriage or marriage slayers but I will also be giving you the solution to it because I was once told that no one wants their problems pointed out without a fix outlined.
So, here are 8 worst habits and things that ruin a marriage and how to start fixing them today;
1. A Low Commitment To Intimacy
If you allow your intimacy to dwindle, then you’ve paved way for your marriage to crash because all the affection, tenderness, and connection you share will dry up. I don’t think there is a successful marriage out there that lacks intimacy.
I don’t care if she never knew a man or he hasn’t been with a woman, everyone has a fantasy or two in their head and it is your job to make sure that list is in check for your spouse. I am not saying bring all their fantasies to reality but you have to be as adventurous as your significant other.
When your spouse begins to think that the intercourse in your bedroom is not what they want or can manage – it leads to the marriage falling apart.
Whether you like it or not, your husband is getting hit on by his crush at work; your wife is also putting away that hot neighbor who is trying to get her attention when you are off to work.
So, to make sure they have the strength to fight off all the distractions, it is important to keep the bedroom as interesting as possible. Another thing is that we always tend to feel we know it all when in real life, we don’t. No one knows it all! If you want something in the bedroom, ask!
Also, never assume you know your partner’s body more than them or that you know what they want in the bedroom. Allow them to tell you what they want, never assume!
Weaponizing lovemaking can also be one of the things that ruin a marriage because it becomes a job rather than pleasure and a connection when you are using it as a weapon for whatever game you choose to play.
How To Fix It
“I ruined my marriage how can I fix it?” Someone asked me this question on Instagram once and I know most of us are in this situation now. For so long, the bedroom has not been exciting and this is chasing cracks in the vows you took on your wedding day.
The key here is listening to your partner and understanding their needs because it is impossible to know-it-all. “My wife will always tell me never to assume that it gives her pleasure except she says so because the body belongs to her”, said Max.
There are a lot of things that ruin a marriage and having bad bedroom vibes sit on top of that list. So, chase out that bad vibe from your bedroom by showering your attention to your spouse and by Spicing Up Your Bedroom! Break that mundane lovemaking routine today!
2. Lack Of Boundaries For Friends And Other Family Members
One of the things that ruin a marriage is how other people see your union and how much weight that opinion carries on your scale.
Most of us lack boundaries in our homes leading to clouded judgments. Your mother, father, siblings, or friends cannot and should not be on the same weighing scale with your spouse.
I didn’t say they shouldn’t weigh the same but I said they should not be on the same page – this means the weight difference should be far off.
When you get married, the world around you needs boundaries to what they can do with you. Imagine his ex-girlfriend comes over to spend the night at your place or her boss decides to have her over at his place for a whole week because his wife is out of town.
Also, we make the mistake of making the person we chose to be with for the rest of our lives the second option in some cases.
“‘Mum called me to come and stay with my sister’s child, so we have to cancel our date’, my wife did this one time and my reaction wasn’t nice at all”, said Felix. “They had other people to call but because they knew she won’t say no, they came for her”.
A lack of boundaries for friends and family has been for long one of the biggest things that ruin a marriage.
How To Fix It
I am not saying it is wrong to make friends or have fun with the close pals but it is important to note that he comes first at all times.
Your family members should know when they can come to invade your space and even when they do, they need to understand what goes around here and what doesn’t.
This doesn’t just make your marriage last longer but it can also improve love because you are subconsciously letting your spouse know that they are number one every day in your life and this resonates with an amazing feeling of being wanted.
The inability to set boundaries is one of the bad habits in marriages that people have and it is The Reason Why Most Marriages End – you hear cases like, ‘my friend told me he was a cheat’ or ‘my mum didn’t like the way he was treating our son’.
Without thinking it through or asking yourself if their statement came from a good heart or their sentimental point of view, you make decisions.
3. Finding Another Addiction
When they said ‘I do’ to you, they decided to be addicted to you till death comes. This is why they get angry and jealous when you keep smiling at your phone like silly when they are the only ones that should be responsible for how much you smile.
The world today comes with a lot of distractions and addictions ranging from technology to medicine to food to work and hobbies but by all means, all your partner wants, is for you to be addicted to them.
We all agree that it will mean the world to us if we are married to someone who can not stay without us.
You may call this some Disney fantasy but sometimes I wish when I am away or he is away, one person falls sick. Think of it for a second, a union where the other person becomes physically sick because the other person isn’t available.
When your attention is away from your spouse, the marriage will suffer, not because it is what both of you want but because jealousy and revenge were adopted by the same man.
They try to pay back by not giving you attention when you leave your new addiction and come back to them.
All they want to do is make you feel what they felt but when pride comes in between the both of you because of this crack, you begin to say things like – ‘I ruined my marriage’.
How To Fix It
The fix for this is simple but it takes consistency to stop your marriage falling apart – stop feeding any addiction that is not him or her.
Your mobile phone is nice but it should be at the cost of what you share with your man or woman. Make sure he or she remains the person you cannot do without; this is the way to save your home.
4. Fighting To Win
The truth is, you will fight in your relationships. You’ll fight because no matter how many things you have in common, there will always be differences. Check out The Best Steps To Stop Fighting In A Relationship.
The key to determining if a fight will become one of the things that ruin a marriage is a motive behind the fight and how we see our partner after fighting.
Some of us fight to win – to prove to ourselves that we are right. The notion that you are always right and the inability to take criticism is top on the list of things that ruin a marriage.
When you are fighting to win, you begin to keep scores of who is winning the battle – a battle that your spouse isn’t aware of.
Whenever you quarrel and they are winning, you begin to trace back to see who won the last one. You begin to treat your home like a war zone and your spouse becomes the enemy. You may be the most educated in the house but that doesn’t guarantee that you are the smartest.
How To Fix It
Fighting is normal in a relationship but doing it consistently can be one of the habits that destroy marriage. Now, as if fighting isn’t enough, you have decided to add a scoreline to it and now the person you vowed to be with for better or for worse is nothing more than an enemy.
Fixing it is a simple step but one that requires a lot of discipline. For you to fix it, it is important to fight with the ideology of getting better and closer when the fight is over.
Knowing that this is not a competition and that both of you only want to understand the complexity of the other person and love the person even better.
Since we have established that you are not the smartest in the house, it is safe to say that you can listen sometimes and also lose some of the arguments – knowing this reduces your chances of feeling bad or down for losing.
There is a song by Big Sean I love so much and I think you can check it out on your preferred music outlet; it’s ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ – this is how marriage should be.
Tell a lie once, and all your truths become questionable. – Unknown
This is number one in the list of things that ruin a marriage as it is the foundation on which Trust and other qualities needed for a healthy relationship are lost.
We don’t realize that no matter how small the lie we tell is, it has a bad effect on how our spouse sees us in the future.
No one wants their wife or husband to second guess when they say they are off for a business trip which will take the whole weekend when this same line has been used before; just for you to realize a family member with who you are not on good terms with, needed their help.
One thing about lying is the fact that it is a cycle without a stop button – one small lie builds into a gigantic lie.
Now, the worst form of lying is lying to yourself – how do you do this in a marriage, you may ask. There is no way you’ll like everything about a person – physically and character-wise.
There will be things that are deal breakers for you and maybe you find out only after marriage; for example, you wait till after marriage for lovemaking and then realize she isn’t really into oral sessions like you are.
The issue will arise only when you keep this to yourself and pretend there isn’t a problem because little by little it begins to eat you up.
How To Fix It
The fix is simple, Trust in your vows and Trust in the person you took those vows with. There are a lot of things that ruin a marriage but with trust, love, and understanding these things can be defeated. If you trust someone, then a reason to lie becomes a thing of the past.
Trusting is the bravest thing anyone can do and the truth is, once you trust your spouse it becomes easier for them to return that trust.
It doesn’t matter how you think they will feel, it is so unfair to lie to your partner and you shouldn’t do it for any reason whatsoever.
6. Denying Them Their Personal Space
If I am being honest, they even love you more than you can imagine but the truth is they love themself too, so they need some alone time.
It has been proven through a survey that couples who spend some time doing some of their childhood hobbies rather than the new skills they have adopted because of marriage end up with the happiest home.
Needing personal space is one of the Things A Man Might Want In A Relationship That He Isn’t Going To Tell You.
How To Fix It
Everyone needs their personal space and it is your job to hand it out even when they are not asking for it. She doesn’t know if you would like it if she went shopping with her friends, so she asked to stay home – even if this was what gave her joy and relaxation before she met you.
He loves having the boys over to watch soccer games but that was when he was a bachelor. The problem now is, he is married to you and doesn’t know if you would be happy for his boys to invade your sanctuary for hours.
You know what your spouse used to do for fun, make sure they get the time to do it once in a while as you spend happily ever after together.
7. The Inability To Forget Yesterday
Most of us know how to forgive but can never forget. Tolerance is a word that will be found in any book that tackles relationship issues and you need that in yours.
He or she will be annoying, there is no doubt in that, but then when they apologize and you say you have forgiven them, what do you do about the issue? Bury it or put it in a safe. The past is also one of the things that ruin a marriage.
How To Fix It
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Robert Quillen
The fix for this is very simple and it is in forgetting the past and focusing on the tomorrow you will have to share.
She may have been a stripper before you got together – she is never going back to that life because she has chosen you but reminding her of her pole days will only make the choice harder for her. So, when you say I have forgiven you, try to forget what they did.
8. Not Meeting Up Each Other’s Needs
The pivot point of things that ruin a marriage is this – when the needs are not being met. Finances, emotional needs, bedroom needs, and in all other spheres.
When he or she is not happy with the way your love is going, frustration sets in and makes your union a whole lot difficult.
How To Fix It
The fix for this is communication and a show of effort. Always ask and know the needs of your spouse and when you do, try to adjust to being able to do better than what you have been doing even if you still don’t make a hundred percent.
So, there you have it, 8 worst things and habits that can ruin even the strongest marriages and how to fix them. Have you encountered any of the list problems? Have you encountered a habit that almost ruined your marriage? How did you fix it?
Are the tips listed above helpful? I would like to know your answers to all these and many more in the comment section below. Feel free to rant, I’ll be replying!
I just want you to know that even if these marriage slayers are already present in your relationships, there is always a way out and it isn’t the final verdict that your relationship will fail.
Identifying these bad habits that destroy marriages is a step in the right direction of redeeming your relationship.
So, don’t be certain that your marriage will end if you find these bad marriage habits, rather be happy that you now know the problem and can work towards fixing it.
Until next time! Xoxo, Love and Light from me to you all especially in this time of uncertainty.
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