It is true that when we love a person, it almost seems like the person is without faults. But with minor fights and arguments here and there, we’ll have to admit that everyone has flaws because no one is perfect.
However, a loving relationship is like a flower, which requires an ample amount of patience, care, trust, commitment, and compromise to survive and flourish (after all if someone is important, you are going to do the best you can to keep them in your life and show them how much you value them).
But when certain undesirable habits or unacceptable boyfriend behavior becomes constant, it may be time for you to think carefully about where your relationship is headed and whether you are getting the treatment you deserve.
You may ask what these unacceptable behaviors are. Well, they are things you should never tolerate in a relationship. Do you want to know them? Here they are;
It is a well-known fact that mutual respect is vital in any relationship if it is to be a healthy one. Respect is admiration for someone and the ability to understand that they see life differently from you.
It means understanding them in such a way that the differences of opinions do not disrupt the healthy flow of conversation in the relationship and the sweetness therein.
This is to say that, the essence of respect entails honoring another’s feelings and needs. So disrespect would be the opposite of this. Disrespect is speaking and behaving in a way (or ways) that shows no regard for someone (whosoever they may be) – especially your spouse. This could create a host of other problems.
A disrespectful partner never listens to anything you have to say, and sometimes even refuses to let you speak. They ignore your boundaries, make a blunt refusal to take your complaints seriously, or gives a sarcastic response to a heartfelt request. Here are Some Shocking Signs Of Disrespect In A Relationship.
And they make you less than desired or needed (treat you as though you don’t matter). If hurtful words or rude comments are the only response your spouse can offer when things get difficult, then they are not the one for you.
Someone who claims to care about you has zero right or reason to put you down. And if they do, the easiest and best way to deal with this disrespect is to immediately address the issue and inform your partner that behavior is totally unacceptable.
Fighting or lashing back won’t fix the problem, just find a way to be direct, as there is no need for anything but the truth. Here are 10 Hurtful Words To Avoid Saying To Your Partner.
2. Physical Abuse
The most telling sign that you are in an abusive relationship is fear of your partner. Physical abuse basically involves a person using physical force against you, which causes, or could cause you harm. It is used for one purpose and one purpose only; to gain and maintain total control over you.
The abuser is hypersensitive and may react with rage and aggressiveness such as scratching, punching, biting, slapping, strangling, or kicking.
Throwing objects at you, pulling your hair, forced intercourse, grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.
Hence you experience fear, trepidation when speaking or feel unsafe around them. The truth is that these are things you should never tolerate in a relationship.
No one should have to endure this kind of pain. Don’t think it was a one-time mistake, or that giving them another chance will bring any change in their behavior (they are likely going to continue doing so). You need to get away as quickly as possible. There are no “better” or “worse” forms of abuse, so RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
3. Not Supporting Your Dreams
We all get to be lunatics in our heads. We can do anything we want to, imagine anything we like to, and aim wherever we want to. It is a personal choice and should remain that way.
Our goals and dreams help keep us motivated and inspired to try new things, and grow as individuals, but if your partner’s insecurity, jealousy, controlling nature, etc. causes them to actively insult your work ethic, mock your achievements, or even convince you to turn down opportunities, then you need to confront the issue as they are things you should never tolerate in a relationship.
They try to use you as a weapon against yourself by highlighting the impracticalities of your dreams, plant seeds of doubt about whether you are a suitable vessel to accomplish such great dreams, and will do anything but support you.
In fact, they’ll do what they can to distract you and pull you down. However, the truth remains that, you don’t need their approval to succeed.
Come on! What makes you think their approval is more important than yours? Have confidence in your plans and refuse to hear their crap. Surround yourself with people who make you want to break out into the world of possibilities and fulfillment.
One of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship is infidelity. Infidelity is breaking a sacred promise to remain faithful to your romantic partner. It never a mistake or something that just happens to you, it has been premeditated on.
However, it is difficult to deal with a situation when you find out that the one you love has been having an affair behind your back.
You feel shocked, agitation, betrayal, fear, pain, depression, and confusion. You will likely feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.
It is a serious breach of trust and it’s done by a partner who doesn’t see the worth in you, which may also indicate that this person is not worthy or capable of a healthy relationship.
So why waste your time and effort on someone who can’t seem to appreciate the beauty in you? It shouldn’t be. You can allow yourself to cry or scream but don’t tolerate cheating.
Once you tolerate it, it may have effects even on other relationships around you. Hence you begin to have trust issues generally, and that wouldn’t be a healthy practice. Would it? Learn 5 Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Relationship.
Living an honest life is priceless. It allows you to be at peace with others and yourself. But with lies comes the opposite.
Lying quickly erodes that peace and trust, hurting both parties in the process. A lie is programmed to deceive, and it’s one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship.
It is like cheating with your feelings and emotions and it includes; making ambiguous or vague statements, telling half-truths, manipulating information through emphasis, exaggeration, or minimization, and withholding feelings or information that is important to someone who has a right to know.
People lie in relationships to save face, protect their egos, protect their image, and just to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. While some truth will clearly put a relationship at risk, lies tend to be even more damaging.
The more lies, the more you crack the foundation and the basis of a relationship. Lying to a significant other says that, they aren’t being authentic with you.
And what’s the point of being with a fake person who you can never trust? If they are lying about small things, well, who knows what they are capable of hiding from you.
6. Takes Advantage Of You
Being taken advantage of isn’t right. It is one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship. People who overlook this behavior almost always end up regretting it.
If someone takes advantage of you, they treat you unfairly for their own benefits. Often, this is because you are trying to be kind or to help them.
You’ve always done these things so they think they are just something you are happy to do. It might as well be that it is who they are (their attitude); whatever it is, if you are constantly feeling small, underwhelmed, let down, you need to take a look at the relationship.
You are always doing favors, it’s always about them, their mom, siblings, or friends, they never say thank you and act as though it’s your responsibility to do whatever, you feel exhausted and drained, and so on.
However to curb this, stop doing those things they are taking for granted! If they are taking advantage of you it’s because you are still allowing it. Learn to say “NO”.
Love isn’t all about being selfless the lonely way, it requires some reciprocity. Let them wonder why their clothes are dirty, and why the bed isn’t laid.
If they expect you to leave everything, even last minute, and be there any time they deem necessary, even if you are busy doing your own thing say “NO” for once. Your schedule and priorities should get priority sometimes. Be nice, but use your discretion and firm up whenever required.
7. Imbalance Of Power
Being in a healthy relationship means having a partner who is also your equal. It is a relationship in which you can work things out between the two of you as a team, even when you don’t agree with one another.
This team cooperates, encourages each other, participates equally in decisions, finances, and raising a family (if the decision is made). In order words, there is a balance of power.
One person doesn’t have total control of the relationship or call all the shots, rather, both partners can contribute their thoughts, opinions, and feelings freely.
But when there is inequality in a relationship, one partner maintains power and control over the other. They make all the decisions with no concern for logic, what’s right, what’s best, or even the likely consequences of their actions.
All they care about is being right and ending the conflict in a way that gives them the upper hand, even if it means you don’t feel like you’ve been heard or that your position has equal merit.
When you notice that the scales are out of balance, you should point that out as one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship, and make a change. People who feel like they must control every aspect of your life should have no place it in.
Arguments are inevitable, but when threats are involved, it’s a no-no. Threats are abuse and are considered things you should never tolerate in a relationship.
They are not just to be avoided by couples but never to be used. But if your partner uses threats to express themselves, it is a sign that they don’t have the emotional strength to handle their feelings and pressure.
If they are threatening to leave you for no reason other than to control your behaviors, make the smart decision and get away from him/her first. If they ever threaten to hurt you, run!!!
Threats to hurt someone, even if they are later taken back or claimed to be a joke, should always be taken seriously. You should be in a relationship where you never have to be afraid, not in one that wants to squeeze the life out of you or harm you.
9. Always Putting You Last
When you are in a healthy relationship, both partners commit to making each other a priority. However, there will be times when you won’t be your partner’s priority so to say, and that’s completely ok. But there is a difference between this and not being a priority at all.
It’s important to set goals, get ahead at work, learn new things, but those things should not come at the cost of your relationship.
Being a priority means that your partner considers your needs before they act, and they make an effort to spend time with you, and do their best to integrate you into their life, well, because you are their ‘special one’.
But if they seem not to care about making or keeping plans with you, this may be a sign that you are no longer a priority.
They make you feel like a second, third, or even the last option in their life, and never include you in any important step.
This can be quite devastating for you but you have to brace up and have a good talk about it, and if nothing is done even though you expressed your feelings and disappointment, then you don’t belong there. Pack your things and hit the road.
10. Body Shame
Every human is born with flaws, and that’s exactly what makes us unique. If you were born a certain way, no one has the right to make you feel bad or guilty about your body image – whether blatant or subtle.
If your lover body shames you for your weight, hair, complexion – anything at all, not only is it cruel and immature, but it can also be a manipulative way to erode your self-esteem and think that you will never be good enough for anyone else so that you can’t even think of leaving the relationship.
They don’t really care about you and do not take cognizance of your feelings. No one should ever have to put up with that kind of unacceptable girlfriend behavior.
Don’t ever accept that kind of treatment! You don’t have to apologize, or take the blame, just set your boundaries, stand firm in them, and do not allow your confidence to be destroyed.
Always remember that; you are not a mistake, you are not a problem to be solved. You are a sweet-unique vessel, worthy of honor.
11. Tries To Isolate You From Your Family And Friends
Unlike rains, we all didn’t fall from the sky, we’ve got people who care about us and we call them family. And sometimes, our friends become part of our families too. Isn’t that right?
Later in life’s journey, we meet our partner and we fall in love, which in healthy relationships is a plus because the family just got an addition. Right?
We expect that they (our lover) accept every part of us including these people that we care about because they love us.
And while it is true that not everyone will get along with everyone else, there is a certain level of civility and politeness that is expected. But if your spouse cannot be bothered to be polite to your friends and family, then something is off.
He/she tries to scare everyone away from you and would not want you welcoming them into your home (even if it is just for a visit), takes away your phone, etc. and may act like they’d like to spend a lot more “just the two of us time” with you.
At first, you may think it is romantic – you think your partner is loving, caring, and has your best interest at heart. But the truth is that, at any rate, this is something that is not healthy and cannot be coming from a good place.
It is a controlling technique to weaken you, and prevent you from hearing perspectives, and bring you into line with their own beliefs and requirements.
Once your support network is gone, they’ll have all to themselves and you will be less likely or able to stand up against them whenever they want to win because you’ll have no one to turn to and nowhere to run.
You shouldn’t let that happen to you. If they truly care about you, they’ll understand that you have a life outside of them which includes your family and friends.
12. Unreasonable Anger
Anger is a human feeling that we all experience at one point in time or the other, but focusing irrationally on your partner isn’t normal, whether you have been together for ten days or ten months. It is not safe either and it’s one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship.
You feel you have to constantly have to walk on eggshell because your partner gets angry even for the slightest things that ordinarily shouldn’t count.
They feel like an angry volcano every time with their words and actions of negativity. You can’t even seem to please them because everything you do can use an improvement in their sight.
The biggest challenge of staying with this kind of person is to keep from becoming one yourself, so do something about it.
Thanks for the read on things you should never tolerate in a relationship! But just a reminder, you are loved, cherished, and important to us all. Don’t ever settle for someone who makes life negative instead of fun and inspiring, no matter how much you love them.
You should never tolerate disrespect in any form. Set standards for your life and the right people will be drawn to you.
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