So, you’re thinking of tying the knot, huh? That’s great news! Marriage is such a beautiful commitment where you get to experience genuine romantic love and have your person by your side. You go from smiling through the aisle to giving back hugs while doing the dishes. It’s a special journey, and it’s one you should take careful steps before committing to.
If you’re about to get married, you’re in the right place. With a handful of stories from my own marriage experiences, I can help you feel confident and satisfied before taking that big step.
Now, I’m not here to scare you! Today, I’ll be guiding you through the top 10 things to do before marriage. Coupled with my 10 things I wish I knew before I got married, these pre-marriage essentials will take you and your partner on a journey, not just through deep conversations but also through intentional activities that help you both truly know who you’re marrying.
Ready for this? Take my hand and let’s go.
10 Important Things Every Couple Should Do Before Getting Married
Before tying the knot, couples should take essential steps to ensure a strong foundation for their marriage. These activities can help build trust, understanding, and mutual respect, setting the stage for a successful partnership:
1. Plan And Execute A Major Home Project Together
One of the most telling signs of how well a couple can navigate life together is how they manage projects that require collaboration and problem-solving skills.
Marriage itself is its own huge project, and if you can’t work together on simple (especially homely) tasks, how do you plan to build a life together as your “home project”?
Taking on a major home project before getting married is a great test of this. Whether it’s renovating a room, redecorating a space, or something as simple as assembling furniture together, these specific things to do before marriage will quickly reveal how well you and your partner communicate, compromise, and handle challenges.
But here’s the key—don’t treat it like a marriage compatibility test! Instead, genuinely have fun with it. Play some music, have lighthearted conversations, and don’t let any anxiety creep in.
Successfully planning and executing a project as a team is essential. Afterwards, assess how it went: Did you enjoy yourselves? How did you resolve disagreements? Who took the lead? Did your partner offer support? Were there any gaps in your communication?
Answering these questions will help you both understand how you work together, and whether you’re ready for the bigger project—marriage.
2. Take A Big Trip Together
I remember our first big trip. My partner surprised me for our anniversary, but I wasn’t thrilled about it. I’ve never liked unexpected plans. My mind was racing—What if something goes wrong? Is everything prepared? I even doubted if he could handle it. But he knew me well, calming my nerves with just the right words. He didn’t mind my anxiety; he just wanted us to enjoy something spontaneous together.
Taking a big trip is one of the things every couple should do before getting married because it isn’t just about exploring new places; it’s about seeing each other in new situations.
Whether you’re relaxing or dealing with missed flights or unexpected delays, travel tests how well you communicate and handle stress together, ultimately strengthening your bond.
3. Successfully Resolve A Big Argument
One of my clients once shared a major argument she had with her partner. After three years of smooth sailing, wedding planning became a battleground. It started with the guest list, then spiraled into heated debates over the venue, budget, and every detail in between. Hurtful words were exchanged, and things quickly escalated.
I won’t go into too many specifics without her permission, but this situation showed how easily things can fall apart when stress hits.
Resolving a big argument isn’t just about moving past it—it’s about how you handle the conflict as a couple. Do you listen, communicate honestly, and try to understand each other? Or does one of you shut down or avoid tough conversations? Don’t ignore these things to do before marriage.
Every couple argues, but how you deal with these moments can determine the strength of your relationship. When things get rough, it’s not enough to just say you’re compatible. Marriage is about weathering the emotional storms together and coming out stronger on the other side.
From my experience, disagreements—even with close friends—often deepen a relationship. Arguments aren’t necessarily bad; sometimes they reveal hidden thoughts or expose areas for improvement and contribute to the ways to connect with your spouse and build your dream relationship.
A key question to ask yourself is: After a fight, will my partner still want to come back to me? For me, that’s a vital answer to know before taking the big step.
4. Have An In-Depth Conversation About Your Childhood And Family History
Before you walk down the aisle, it’s crucial to have that heart-to-heart conversation about where you both came from. I’m talking about your childhoods, family dynamics, and the moments that shaped you. Why? Because your family history plays a huge role in how you both approach love, conflict, and everything in between.
For example, maybe your partner grew up in a household where emotions weren’t openly discussed, while you come from a family where feelings are laid out on the table.
I’ve listened to the 12 best TED talks on relationships. They all say similar things— Without understanding your partner’s background, small misunderstandings can turn into bigger issues. But once you both get to the root of those behaviors, you’ll be better equipped to understand each other in ways that go beyond the surface.
So, sit down, get comfortable, and have that deep conversation. It’s not always easy, but the insights you gain will bring you closer and help you build a stronger foundation for marriage.
5. Take Care Of A Pet Or Plant Together
Taking care of a pet—or even a plant—can reveal so much about how you and your partner function as a team. It might sound silly, but trust me, there’s nothing like a droopy fern or a hungry cat staring at you both at 6 AM to teach you about shared responsibility.
A pet (or plant) isn’t just cute; it’s a mini practice run for the bigger responsibilities in life. You’ll quickly learn who’s the “planner” and who’s the “wing-it” person in the relationship. And hey, if you can negotiate whose turn it is to clean the litter box without bickering, that’s a win!
It’s these little moments that show how you’ll handle real-life challenges together—whether it’s deciding on feeding schedules or finding a way to keep that plant alive when one of you forgets to water it (again!).
6. Make A Shared Budget And Stick To It
Creating a shared budget is both practical and revealing for couples. For some people, financial compatibility is at the top of their list of “important things to do before marriage.” Here’s why: Money is a major stressor in relationships, and managing finances together before marriage sets you up for success.
Don’t let anyone tell you that focusing on money matters is materialistic—financial well-being is crucial. A 2019 Ramsey Solutions survey found that nearly 41% of couples experience relationship stress due to financial disagreements.
A shared budget helps you understand each other’s spending habits, priorities, and goals. It’s not just about cutting costs but also about aligning on savings, lifestyle choices, and long-term plans like vacations or buying a home.
Clear communication about money strengthens trust and transparency. My 7 essential financial planning tips for newlyweds will give you all the insight you need before and after your new marriage.
Consider each other’s incomes, contributions to household expenses, budgeting, and spending habits. When my partner and I started budgeting, we discovered our different views on spending—I preferred saving for the future, while they enjoyed spontaneous splurges. Sticking to a budget shows you can work toward shared goals, an essential foundation for a strong marriage.
7. Have Deep Meaningful Conversations About Your Future
I’m all about long, genuine discussions—my hundreds of blog posts reflect my passion for talking about things that truly matter. I’m committed to making a difference, and as I write, I often uncover deeper truths. This is why meaningful conversations with your partner are essential: they help you realize important truths. It’s time to move beyond flirting, jokes, or shallow conversations.
Having deep, meaningful talks about your future can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, but it’s crucial for ensuring that both of you are headed in the same direction.
I once had a client who thought she and her partner were aligned on future plans, only to discover in pre-marital therapy that they had very different timelines for having kids, buying a house, and where they wanted to live. That challenging conversation allowed them to address and work through these differences before marriage.
Ask strategic and genuine questions to uncover your partner’s views and plans. Do they want kids? What are their retirement plans? Are their future goals aligned with yours? If not, can you work through those differences?
These things to discuss before marriage, will reveal their perspective on life and ensure that you’re not headed toward a future that doesn’t resonate with you or holds you back. Marriage is a journey, and it’s crucial to be on the same path.
8. Move In Together (Or At Least Spend An Extended Amount Of Time Together)
Moving in together—or even just spending an extended amount of time under one roof—is a game-changer in any relationship. It’s like transitioning from a pleasant weekend getaway to a full-blown, 24/7 shared life.
You’ll see how your partner handles the little things, like whether they’re a tidy-up-at-the-end-of-the-day person or leave their socks scattered around. These everyday moments reveal how well you mesh on a daily basis. If nothing else, it will open your eyes to a new dynamic in your relationship.
Trust me, moving in will change things because it’s like blending the dynamics of both partners and siblings under one roof. So, how do you navigate being so close while keeping the spark alive? By practicing romantic morning habits to create a strong bond with your partner while constantly reassuring them with romantic love messages.
I’ve had clients come to me with issues like arguments over how their partner handles the toothpaste, leaves the toilet seat up, or doesn’t cuddle enough. Yet, others love that they come home to their partner, share meals, get more acquainted with each other’s families, and gradually become a blended family.
Just like with other aspects of a relationship, living together can either make or break your bond. It’s exciting, with countless possibilities and unexpected developments. My advice? Try it for a while and see what it brings. Just go for it.
9. Spend A Weekend Without Social Media Or Phones
Spending a weekend without social media or phones can be surprisingly refreshing. Imagine this: you and your partner decide to take a break from the digital world for a couple of days—no constant pings or scrolling through feeds.
If you genuinely enjoy spending time with your partner, as they do with you, this shouldn’t be a problem. There are plenty of ways to enjoy each other’s company without social media distractions, you could engage my best truth or dare questions for couples, enjoy the 35 fun indoor activities for couples who are bored at home, or simply just cuddle.
It’s about creating space to be present with one another. Try it and see how much more meaningful your conversations can become when you’re truly focused on each other.
10. Attend A Couple’s Therapy Or Relationship Workshop
Attending a couple’s therapy session or relationship workshop might seem a bit daunting at first, but it’s one of the most proactive steps you can take for a solid foundation.
Going to couple’s therapy or workshop together can be a powerful way to enhance your relationship. It’s not just about fixing problems but also about learning and growing together. It shows your commitment to understanding and improving your relationship, which can deepen your connection and build a stronger partnership.
A professional therapist can reveal dynamics in your relationship you might not have noticed, from subtle hints you’ve ignored to issues you may have overdramatized.
If you can’t afford therapy right now, that’s okay! Just keep an eye on my blog posts and don’t miss out on the therapeutic things to do and discuss before marriage; I cover a wide range of topics that might be helpful for you and your partner.
5 Things You Must Discuss Before Marriage
Marriage is more than love—it’s about aligning on the big things that shape your future together. Here are five essential conversations you must have before marriage:
1. Talk Openly About Money Habits And Expectations
Talking about money might feel awkward, but it’s essential for a strong marriage. Start by breaking down your financial picture—debts, savings, and how you both typically spend. Set clear expectations on things like budgeting, handling bills, and your shared goals, so there’s no confusion later.
For instance, one of you might be more of a saver, while the other tends to splurge a bit. Being upfront about these differences now will save a lot of headaches down the road.
2. Discuss How Many Kids (If Any) You Both Want
Talking about children is key to aligning your future. Discuss if you both want kids and how many, then dive into why. Talk on parenting roles—maybe one partner wants a big family, while the other focuses on career growth. Be sure to cover topics like financial readiness, lifestyle changes, and how you each see raising kids.
Assuming what your partner wants is NOT one of the things to do before marriage! Having open conversations ensures you’re on the same page and avoids any surprises later.
3. Get Clear On Your Core Values And Shared Beliefs
Understanding each other’s core values and beliefs is fundamental for a harmonious marriage.
Discuss your views on religion, ethics, and life goals. For instance, one partner might value religious traditions while the other prefers a secular approach. My 100 questions to ask before marriage will help you Kickstart your dive into their true personality, values, and interests. Talk about how their beliefs will impact your daily life and decisions, from holiday celebrations to raising children.
Shared values create a strong foundation, but respecting differing beliefs is equally important. This discussion helps ensure that both partners are compatible in their fundamental outlooks and can navigate differences with mutual respect.
4. Align On Career Goals And Future Plans
If you’ve been looking for the best questions to ask your partner before marriage, you’re in the right place! Talking about career goals is a must if you want to avoid future surprises.
Share what you’re aiming for—whether it’s climbing the corporate ladder, starting your own business, or even relocating for a dream job.
For instance, one of you might be all about that entrepreneurial life, while the other prefers the security of a steady 9-5. Discuss how these goals fit into your long-term plans and lifestyle, and figure out how to support each other.
It’s all about balancing ambition with your shared future so both of you can thrive. These essential discussions will give you enough insight into the biggest marriage deal breakers to avoid!
5. Figure Out How You Both Handle Conflicts And Stress
It’s super important to know how your partner deals with stress and conflict before tying the knot.
You might be someone who likes to hash things out right away, while your partner prefers to take a step back and think it through. Understanding these differences can help avoid those classic arguments where one person feels pushed and the other feels unheard.
Talk about your stress triggers and how you like to handle tense situations. By doing this, you can come up with ways to resolve conflicts that work for both of you, making sure you’re in sync when things get tough.
Final Take On: Things To Do Before Marriage
So, you see now that marriage is a big deal, and there are a ton of things you can do to help you feel confident in your decision. If you really love your partner, try to work out your differences as you explore the 15 powerful tips for a happy marriage.
Is there anything I didn’t address? Do you have your own ideas on the top things to do before marriage? Leave them below in the comments because I’d absolutely love to hear them!
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