Things I wish I knew before I got married is a statement that has been made more than once especially by married men so we decided to take matters into our hands.
We had an interview with three men who have been married for 20 years or more to get their opinion on this particular subject matter.
As expected, there was a lot of knowledge and experience in their responses but out of the three conversations one of them caught our attention a lot and that is the reason, we are making this article. We know that a lot of us wouldn’t want to make the mistakes that have already been made but the person that has ventured into this love thing before us.
So, it would not be bad to know first hand the things that followed when they started the conversation with ‘things I wish I knew before I got married. This was what the second man had to say when we asked him what to know before getting married.
“Don’t get me wrong, marriage has been a blessing – it has been everything that I dreamt of but it could always be better than my dreams if I knew some things.
Even today, I do not stop using that statement as you are always learning new things when you get into your marriage.
I think that is the first thing you need to know if you want to have a successful marriage – you never graduate from school and as such the learning process continues.
Just think about it for a second – you are going to live with a total stranger for the rest of your life, how on earth do you think that would be an easy task for you to handle.
It doesn’t matter who you get married to, even if it is your next-door neighbor from childhood – she or he is a total stranger and I have a reason for saying that.
She wasn’t raised by the same parents that raised you, so that means you grew up with different moral compasses and there is no way you get to know everything in just 10 or 15 years of courtship and friendship”.
He kept saying there are so many things I wish I knew before I got married because I feel like it would have made everything even better and we think this is a very true statement. This is why we have brought to your attention what followed he started the sentence with ‘some of the things I wish I knew before marriage was’.
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married
There are so many things we are afraid you might not know already and the wedding is fast approaching which gives us little or no time to tell you everything.
So, consider this as a crash course, teaching you all the basics so you are well prepared when you face the real battles after you walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’.
1. Saying ‘I do’ Is A Huge Step
We forget this most times and this is one of the biggest problems we face during the marriage. We take the things we do at the altar as just things and there is no seriousness attached to them – some of us allow other people to pressure us into marriage when in all honesty, you need to be prepared before you jump into living with a stranger for the rest of your life.
One of the men said ‘the fact that love alone will not work is one of the things I wish I knew before I got married. Some of us just center everything around love and we forget that it is only but a feeling and just like with other feelings, love can be gone as quickly as it came.
So try to build other things you can hold on to, trust and friendship can work but what works wonders is building a business enterprise together – there should be documents also like whoever says no to this marriage or is found guilty of being unfaithful forfeits all his or her stake in the company.
This seems harsh but the truth is none of the partners will want to lose their stake in the company so as such none of them would want to cheat on the other person.
2. Know Who You Are Getting Married To
The first man we interviewed didn’t have much to say but he did say this ‘there are so many things you need to know but of all the things I wish I knew before I got married the number one has to be knowing your wife’.
It is very important to know the person you would be spending the rest of your life with because once this doesn’t happen, the whole essence of staying together is defeated.
Learn them like they were a university degree, what makes them sad and what makes them happy, what is their love language, what should you use as a getaway card when you make her angry, her weaknesses.
Knowing your partner makes everything about the relationship a whole lot easier than it would normally be. It will be discouraging that you have a wife and basic things like her favorite food, color and dessert are not at your fingertip. Your partner wants you to understand what they want and need and doing this guarantees you a happy marriage.
3. Never Forget About You
Marriage is for better for worse but one of the things I knew before I got married is that you should never forget that although two become one in marriage, you are still an individual.
So, if you loved spending your Saturdays watching football, that shouldn’t change completely because you got married and your wife wants you to watch movies with her.
However, some compromise has to be reached, some days for soccer and some days for movies or both on the same day but at different times.
Also, going out to have some alone time will do your marriage a lot of good in the long run, when you do the things that make you happy, you come back home to your wife and marriage happier and radiate that happiness to the love you share with her.
According to one of the men who was married for 20 years before getting a divorce, “one of the things I wish I knew before I got married is to never forget myself and the things, I do to make myself happy”.
4. Have Fun
No one told you to stop being her boyfriend – we all expected you to continue doing the things that made her pick you. One of the things I wish I knew before getting married is the fun shouldn’t stop. Have fun in your marriage, it is important – you can’t survive if you are always serious around your wife.
Once it becomes no fun, the desire to be around your wife would drastically reduce and this is the start of man problems in the house. Whatever it is that you did when you guys were kids, we suggest you continue doing it after you get married.
Once the marriage is fun, you spend less time going outside and what this means is that you would spend less time being tempted to do something your wife wouldn’t find funny.
Most times, people forget this and change simply because they have gotten to say I do at the altar. This is not supposed to be the case, saying I do shouldn’t be the end rather it should be the start of new things.
Women, wear those clothes he loved on you before marriage, men make sure the body that attracted her is kept. Go on dates, call her a girlfriend, treat her like one too, try to win the heart of your partner every new day, this is how you keep your marriage.
5. Sacrificing Is Continuous
Leaving your family to live and make a family with a total stranger can’t be the only time you have a sacrifice; in fact, this will be one of the smallest sacrifices you make.
There will be days the last place you would want to be in your home but you will be there regardless and this is how you get to save your home.
Staying together even when you don’t want to until you want to is one of the sacrifices you have to make in marriage because there are no more second options when you tie that knot, it is for better for worse until death comes between you.
So, if forgiveness is not one of your strongholds, we suggest you do some work on that aspect of your life, else you would be finding yourself in situations that would test your endurance to the limits.
Love will not always be sweet neither would marriage be – sometimes it would even feel like they are doing the things they do just to get on your nerves but that may not be the case.
You have to realize that you signed a contract to live in the same house with a total stranger and this is just one of the things that comes with such a huge decision.
6. Constant Bedroom Fun Is Not Guaranteed
This is where it gets sad for a lot of people especially men – intercourse is not going to be as regular as you thought it would be before you got married.
One of the reasons some of us got married is to continuously have mind-blowing intercourse every night with the woman of our dreams.
They want all their fantasies to come through when they get to make her answer their last name but this is not the case most times.
The schedule is different when you get married, you both are working to put food on the table for yourselves and the children even when you are the only one working, she might simply not be in the mood when you return from work and unwilling to give her body to you even if she knows she is supposed to.
That been said, you can work your way around this to make it work – that is why knowing your partner is important. When you want something from your wife, there should be things you learn to do that makes her heart too soft to say no to you.
According to the third man ‘, one of the things I wish I knew before I got married is that I won’t be having intercourse every night’.
7. Small Things Are Big
When the Christians said faith as small as a muster seed could move a mountain what they meant is that when married you should pay attention to the small details or else, they would ruin the beautiful thing that you have going on with your wife.
No matter how small you think the issue is, handling it and setting things straight is important. Every decision in your home should be made as a team, it doesn’t even matter if the decision affects the other person, this is one of the things that brings togetherness in a marriage.
One thing you have to know is that you are not marrying just one person – the second man in our interview said ‘if I knew, I wouldn’t have chosen the person I chose as a wife; one of the things I wish I knew before I got married is that you marry her family too’.
You are not just taking the son or daughter away from their immediate family, you are rather getting married into the family.
A link would exist forever between the two families because of this singular act, so it is important to look carefully before you leap.
8. Money Matters A Lot
Most times we overlook finances, but this is the biggest problem that comes with marriage. It is not even an issue that is experienced by just the poor, even the rich people would see problems when money is highlighted.
Most men would like to hold back on how much they earn just to make sure some is left for them and not all are channeled towards the family but this doesn’t work out well because hiding your financial status from a woman especially your wife is the hardest job to do.
Also, when you have a working wife, how bills are shared would always pose a problem because people will feel cheated even when they are not. Things as little as which school is best for the children could spring up issues that would take a lot to mend.
So, if you want your marriage to stand the test of time, we suggest you do everything humanly possible to get on the same page financially even before you seal the deal.
9. Fighting Is Okay Sometimes
Contrary to the opinion of others fighting isn’t such a bad idea when you get married. The normal advice is not to but I promise you, if you get married to a mature partner, it is the best thing that can happen to you.
I knew you have heard of make-up intercourse but I doubt you have experienced it. One of the men told us how beautiful that was and how he would purposely fight with his wife just so they could do some later in the day.
Fighting and time apart after it opens up an avenue to miss your man, which in turn will bring a stronger feeling of love than there was before helping to make the marriage stronger than it usually would be. So, fight, sometimes – it is okay to do that in your marriage.
10. Your Childhood Doesn’t Go Away
We expect to marry a clean slat but this is hardly going to be the case when it comes to marriage. People come into the marriage with different experiences from the past and not all these memories are pretty, so you have to understand when they come up with some reservations.
I have seen women who never want to have rough intercourse because they were molested while growing up, so if you as a man get married to such a woman, you would have to understand and see things from her point of view.
Childhood baggage is something that never leaves, it shapes how we see the world and how we live in it – so most things you desire won’t happen and you just have to be patient and gain their trust to be able to give themselves fully while feeling safe in your hands.
A Quick Recap On Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married
You asked what I wish I knew before marriage, there you have it, there are so many things you have to know but these are the 10 that stood out during our interview.
It was a time with these three men and I can’t forget their voices when they reiterated ‘the things I wish I knew before I got married.
Now you know these things, so go ahead and do some work – we hope to be amongst the congregation when you say I do and we hope this information is all you need to have a blissful union.
If you’re looking for more resources, do well to check out How to be a better wife, Boundaries that will protect your marriage, and questions to ask before marriage.
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