He who finds a wife has found a good thing – at least that is what the songwriter says. Forgive our tune, this is one statement that is true to the letter, marriage is indeed a beautiful thing.
You will find so many different moments of joy that can come from leaving your family and striving to make a family with someone you love more than life itself.
This is why marriage is seen as the ultimate success for both men and women – regardless of your achievements reached, you will be judge finally by the home you have built with your wife or husband.
When we say home here, what we are talking about is how strong your connection is to your partner and how well you get along with the children.
However, marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows – just like in our skies, there would be rain or snow on some days and the cold might not be too good for you. A lot of what happens in a happy marriage are sacrifices not just because of the love that exists between both parties.
For the process of sacrificing to please the other person to work, it has to be both-sided not just one. No matter how many sacrifices you eventually make, the marriage is bound to face some trials from time to time.
Sometimes our partners would not even know when they hurt our feelings and this is not so much of a bad thing. Remember, you would always be two individual that decided to leave homes and spend a lifetime together.
You were raised differently and as such can not see life in the same way, so the differences will always bring room for issues to arise.
There are so many things that will bring issues in marriage – some greater than others. They might include religion, food choices, living area; sometimes it could be something as small as which side of the bed you get to sleep.
However, one of the biggest problems marriages face is how to cope with change and the biggest of these changes will be childbirth. This opens us to the relationship problems after having a baby because we see people in an unhappy marriage after baby.
This is a really sad sight because something as joyous as childbirth shouldn’t bring tears and cracks to marriage rather it should be what makes the relationship even stronger. Are you feeling neglected by husband after baby?
Relationship Problems After Having A Baby
You already know the problems because you are going through them as we speak. So instead of focusing on the problems, we would be answering the question, how to keep relationship strong after having a baby? Solutions are what you are looking for so we would make sure that is what you leave with when you close this tab.
The truth is you were wrong when you said ‘my husband hates me after baby’ – he doesn’t hate you, he is just finding it hard to adjust.
A lot of things silently change when a baby comes and not everybody has the mental capacity to follow through with the change.
5 Common Marriage Issues After Having A Baby And Their Solutions
There are so many marriage problems after having a baby but most of them accumulate to one general term. So, what we have below are the 5 most common relationship problems after having a baby and what we think is a solution to it.
1. Reduced Physical Intimacy – Relationship Problems After Having A Baby
Problem
A lot of changes will occur after childbirth; some of these changes will be physical and you have little or no control over them during the early stages.
Now some men do not think this way and expect to see the wife they said I do to immediately the baby is born which is not the case.
The body experiences change to accommodate the baby growing in you and this biology can not change simply because your husband does not like it.
So, the truth is he is just finding it hard to adapt to your body changes, stop telling people ‘my husband hates me after baby’.
Also, some men are just overprotective and they turn this into weird silly character traits. Some days ago, I was listening to a woman rant on the radio and her main problem was the fact that her husband had not touched her since she got pregnant and has refused to do so even after the baby was born.
She said she was sure he wasn’t cheating but he just wasn’t touching her. His excuse when she was pregnant was what if he hurt the baby in the process of trying to have intercourse with her.
Then after she gave birth, the issue was her body was meant to take care of the body and he didn’t want to disrupt that.
Solution
He has to know this thing beforehand – tease him with that, before the pregnancy is so obvious, have some roleplay during intercourse, and pretend to be pregnant with the whole baby bump and pregnancy fat.
Always tell him that this is what is going to happen to your body during and after pregnancy but remind him that you will always be the woman he fell in love with.
Then make the effort to be that woman by working out and trying to shed some of that weight you got during pregnancy.
Also, you can try looking kinky even with the pregnancy fat on – get new clothes and props from the adult store. Seduce your husband all over again; let him fall in love with you again.
Education will always be the key and most times these men are not educated properly about fatherhood. All that they were told while growing up is to be a man you have to provide for your family.
It is now left to you to choose how this education process would go – you can go for couple counseling, allowing him to share his fears with a third party, and then he gets feedback from the therapist.
You can also be more forward and professional by dragging him to your antenatal visits. This way he gets to meet the gynecologist who would be more than happy to help him with questions regarding intercourse during and after pregnancy to help combat his fears.
2. Baby Care
Problem
This is in no way supposed to be called a problem in any sentence but it would turn out to be one of the first relationship problems after having a baby your marriage would experience.
The thing is we all dream of having a baby but we forget to dream of the baggage it comes with. As silly as it sounds, taking care of the baby can be the reason, your marriage takes a turn for the bad. Check out other reasons your marriage might be failing.
Sometimes you just want to sleep and I promise you it is not planned but that is exactly when the baby begins to cry. The problem arises as you are wondering which of you would go check on the baby this time.
This may seem like a small rock, paper, scissor-type of a problem but not all couples will look to the game to decide whose turn it is.
Some men believe it is the woman’s job to look after ‘her child’ while some women would say ‘I went through the pains of labor so now it is your turn’.
Solution
Our best bet to solve this issue is to understand, talk about it – plan, and make a schedule. The truth is when a piece of information is known before a particular time, the body adjusts and prepares for it. Kind of why you would rarely wake up late on the day if you planned that big business presentation for months.
You can take days or turns every night to attend to the needs of your child. You can decide to make it all even easier by bringing the cradle to your bedroom, this way you do not have to go far to tackle one of the biggest relationship problems after having a baby which is the baby itself.
Sacrifice is the most important word to go by when you are in any relationship and it is even more useful in this case. They say the strongest man is the one who can fight sleep and hunger and this is a battle that has defeated the best men making this is a valid statement.
That being said, to make everything work, sacrifices need to be made in terms of baby care. There would be days when insomnia would be your best friend while he sleeps like a baby. On a day like this, it should not matter if it is his turn, once the baby cries, you should go check this out.
3. Lifestyle Changes
Problem
Change remains the most constant factor in life – there is no change there but accepting it is where the problem lies. They say it takes 21 days for something to become a hobby, so how then do you change the things you have been doing all your life?
One of the relationship problems after having a baby is how to cope with lifestyle changes. There are things that you would love to continue doing but once the baby comes would be impossible.
Sometimes, it is basically because you won’t have the time to do them. Having alone time is one thing that we all dream of once in a while but when you just had a baby, it is usually impossible to get any.
This translates to frustration and most times you are the one that pays the price for this when your partner feels this way. Other times, the baby care cuts into your couple’s time, and once that suffers, it affects your relationship negatively.
Don’t waste your time googling ‘marriage problems after second baby’, just check the changes in your routine, it is most likely the cause.
Solution
You just have the plan your time when the baby comes, schedule yourself for weeks to go while considering the baby’s needs. See how much free time you would have and then find things to fit into that time.
Also, you must realize that not all couple activities require you to leave the house, learn about fun things couples can do indoors – this way you won’t be leaving the baby unattended and at the same time, you get to enjoy some fun time together with your man. Here are 20+ Fun Bonding Activities For Couples.
That been said, sometimes it is impossible to have fun at home because of the baby in your midst. Like we earlier said, these were things you did alone or with your partner, so it would feel odd with the baby present.
To tackle this issue, you would have to look at other child care options like getting a nanny or registering your child in a daycare center.
Fear especially from the mother’s side is always common here, how can she leave the security and wellbeing of her child in the hands of total strangers.
The thing is if your partner needs time to research the best option for their child, we advise you to grant and also help reassure them that things will be found.
4. Marriage Problems After Having A Baby- Financial Challenges
Problem
The most expensive investment on earth is taking care of your child, so you see why it is one of the relationship problems after having a baby.
So, most times when this cannot be done, it might even be what ends the marriage. Cloths and food for babies are generally even more expensive than the ones for adults which is weird. Even if you go for the daycare or nanny option suggested earlier, you would be spending money on it.
Most times, the woman opts for other options so she can take care of the baby – this is the normal mother instinct and she might have little or no control over it.
When this is done, her partner would most times be uncomfortable with it and this is what causes the issues in turning what you have into an unhappy marriage after baby.
Solution
The first thing you can do here is to check your finances before you think of a baby, if you know you might not be able to cope with things financially, we would suggest that you probably take a chill pill and wait.
You can start now as a couple to put some money down for the coming baby, I promise you half of the relationship problems after having a baby are caused by the lack of finances and once it is available then the problems go with it. Here are 10 Financial Planning Tips For Married Couples to help you.
Communication is another thing, if you have a child without the proper finances and you are looking to make some extra cash taking up other jobs, try saying something to your partner.
Don’t just wake up one morning and leave the house then return with baby things without a proper explanation of where you have been all day or what you had to do for that money.
5. The Third-Party Effect
Problem
Being just 2 becomes used to you once you have stayed a while with your wife before a baby comes along. If this is the case then your relationship problems after having a baby will be associated with the change that comes with being three people.
Activities will change drastically for the second time; the first being when you decided to get married in the first place.
Like we said earlier, couple time and alone time would now be baby time, and this frustration most times might make little issues seem big because you want to vent and your partner is the only one available to take it.
Also, there are the issues of the grandparents and siblings coming around to spend time with their grandchild or niece/nephew.
Whether you like it or not, you possibly may not have the best relationship with your parents or the issue might be your partner and them not getting along.
Whatever the case is, their presence in the house can make the atmosphere a battle-ready one and this is not good for your relationship.
Solution
Talk about it, it is as easy as that, take to your partner and probably see a therapist to help put your emotions in check. Check out these 7 ways to communicate better.
Change can be huge. So, doing what you can to cope and continue staying happy in your marriage can not be overemphasized.
When it has to do with other people, there should be some type of understanding when they are around and also you can see how the number of days they stay would be reduced to the barest minimum.
Final Words On Relationship Problems After Having A Baby
The endpoint of this game is if you do not want to have relationship problems after having a baby, then there are three things you have to be ready for – sacrifice, planning, and communication.
It is important to talk about issues if any arise with your partner, also you have to make sacrifices for the baby’s sake because life will change when the baby comes, and then communication every step of the way is important.
If you are having any issues or feeling neglected by husband after baby, we hope the solution has been proffered here and if you are getting close to childbirth we advise you to follow these steps and make sure your marriage stays happy.
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