Marriage can be both rewarding and challenging, but sometimes we fall into habits that can harm the relationship without even realizing it. Small actions or neglect over time can build up and cause issues that are hard to fix. If you’re feeling tension in your marriage or just want to strengthen your bond, it’s important to recognize behaviors that could be doing more harm than good.
In this blog post, we’ll cover 12 common mistakes that, if left unchecked, can lead to serious damage in a marriage. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for years, these insights can help you prevent issues before they escalate.
12 Things You’re Doing Wrong That Will Destroy Your Marriage
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but the truth is, some habits can quietly creep in and wreak havoc if we’re not careful. The good news is, recognizing these toxic patterns early can save you a lot of heartache. If you’re like me, you want your relationship to feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield. Let’s talk about some things that destroy a marriage and how to avoid them.
1. Not Communicating Openly With Your Spouse
Marriage thrives on teamwork, and keeping your thoughts or struggles to yourself creates a wall between you and your spouse.
Sometimes we hold back our thoughts and feelings, thinking it’ll keep the peace, but that silence builds walls instead of bridges. For example, one woman I know kept quiet about her frustration with their household budget. She thought her husband would feel attacked if she brought it up. Months later, the tension expl#ded during an argument, and it took months to rebuild trust.
Do you see that? Silence leads to resentment and distance. Instead, create an open space for conversation—even about tough topics. Communication isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the intimate habits of couples who are deeply connected.
If you’re stuck, try effective communication exercises for couples, like weekly check-ins or simply asking, “How was your day?” These little efforts go a long way in stopping toxic habits that can destroy a marriage.
2. Keeping Secrets From Your Partner
Secrets can feel like tiny fractures in a foundation. You think, “Oh, it’s not a big deal,” but over time, those fractures can weaken the entire structure. Whether it’s hiding a bad day at work, a new purchase, or something deeper, secrets erode trust. Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship. Without it, insecurity and suspicion creep in.
A family friend once confided that her husband hid a g#mbling issue for years. By the time she found out, they were deep in debt. Secrets like this, whether big or small, can fester and become bad habits that can destroy your marriage. Transparency isn’t optional; it’s essential. Always be honest with your spouse, even about things that seem trivial.
Remember, simple ways to make your partner feel special every day include showing them they’re worthy of your trust and truth.
3. Always Criticizing Instead Of Encouraging
How often do you compliment your spouse versus pointing out their flaws? Constant criticism doesn’t just hurt feelings—it crushes confidence and creates distance.
Your words should uplift, not tear down. Imagine coming home to hear, “Why didn’t you do it this way?” day after day. It’s exhausting. Nobody thrives in an environment where they feel constantly judged.
I once met a woman who habitually pointed out her husband’s flaws, thinking it would motivate him to change. It only made him feel unworthy.
Encouragement, however, is a game-changer. Instead of reminding your spouse of what he’s doing wrong, focus on words that uplift.
Everyone wants to feel appreciated, especially from their partner. Try using words of encouragement every husband wants to hear instead of harsh comments. Say things like, “I appreciate your effort,” or “You make me proud.” This shift can prevent things that destroy marriages from taking root.
Remember, tearing down your spouse is a bad habit that can destroy your marriage. Choose encouragement—it’s powerful and healing.
4. Ignoring Your Spouse’s Feelings And Needs
It’s easy to get caught up in your own life, especially when there’s so much to do. But when you start neglecting your spouse’s emotional needs, you’re making a huge mistake.
Marriage is a two-way street. When one partner feels ignored, that gap grows wider each day. Ignoring their feelings can lead to resentment, which can destroy the connection you once had. Some of these bad things that destroy a marriage often appear when we start neglecting the emotional side of things.
I’ve had friends who were so busy with work, kids, and everything else, that they didn’t stop to check in with their spouse. Over time, it caused emotional disconnection. You don’t have to have deep, soul-searching talks every day, but a simple “How are you feeling?” or “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” can go a long way.
If you want to have a strong, intimate connection with your spouse, start paying attention to their needs, both big and small. Trust me, doing this can help you know how to be a better wife and improve your marriage. And if your marriage is on the verge of collapsing, these small acts can rebuild bridges and bring back the spark in a broken relationship.
5. Failing To Show Appreciation For The Little Things
We all want to feel seen and appreciated, right? Imagine working hard all day, doing your best for your family, and then feeling like your efforts go unnoticed. That’s how your spouse can feel if you’re not showing appreciation for the little things.
It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship, but comfort should never turn into complacency. When you stop noticing or acknowledging your spouse’s efforts—be it cooking dinner, fixing the leaky faucet, or just making you laugh—you create an emotional distance.
A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate that” can mean the world. It’s one of those little ways to strengthen your marriage every day and remind your partner that their contributions matter.
Overlooking their efforts might make them feel unvalued. Sometimes, a heartfelt note or a cup of coffee served with love can work wonders. These aren’t big gestures, but they show that you don’t take them for granted.
Lack of appreciation is one of the everyday things women do that turn men off without even realizing it. Don’t let the routine blind you to the beauty of what your spouse does for you.
6. Not Spending Quality Time Together
Life is busy, but if you’re too busy for your partner, you’re planting seeds of disconnection.
Spending hours in the same room scrolling your phone isn’t quality time. It’s crucial to be intentional about carving out moments for just the two of you—moments where you talk, laugh, and reconnect. This is an essential ingredient for greater intimacy in your marriage and the antidote to feeling like two ships passing in the night.
For instance, try scheduling a date night every week, even if it’s just cooking dinner together at home. Keep distractions at bay and focus on each other. Remember, it’s not about the activity itself but the quality of your interaction. Neglecting this can lead to emotional distance, which is one of those things that destroy a marriage silently over time.
7. Taking Your Spouse For Granted
Familiarity often breeds neglect, and this can be a silent relationship k#ller.
When you assume your spouse will always be there, you may stop doing the things that made them fall in love with you in the first place. Over time, this erodes the respect and admiration between you.
Instead, start by showing your gratitude more openly. Compliment them, surprise them with small acts of kindness, or simply acknowledge how much they mean to you.
Neglecting to cherish your partner is one of the most common things that destroy a marriage, so don’t let routine overshadow your relationship.
8. Expecting Your Spouse To Read Your Mind
We’ve all been guilty of this at some point: assuming our spouse knows exactly what we need or how we feel without saying a word. But here’s the truth: they don’t. Expecting your spouse to read your mind can lead to unnecessary frustration and misunderstandings.
Imagine you’re upset about something, but you don’t say a word. You expect your partner to figure it out, but they don’t, and then you become angry at them for not knowing. Issues that destroy a marriage often begin with communication breakdowns like this. You have to be clear about your needs and feelings. Don’t let things simmer under the surface.
If you want to avoid this pitfall, remember: communication is key. Start telling your spouse what you need and how you feel, and watch your connection grow stronger.
9. Gossiping About Your Marriage To Others
Every marriage has its challenges, but when private struggles are discussed with outsiders, you expose your spouse to unnecessary risks.
Sharing your marital issues with others can damage the trust between you and your partner. Marriage thrives on privacy and respect, and gossiping about your spouse—even to friends—can feel like a betrayal.
I know it’s tempting to seek advice from a friend when you’re upset, but the little things that destroy marriages, like gossip, can build resentment. It’s hard for your partner to feel like they’re on your team when everyone else knows your business.
A friend of mine once confided that her husband found out she had been sharing their arguments with her best friend, and it created a rift that took months to heal. Do you see that? So, keep your issues private—if you need advice, talk to a therapist or a trusted mentor.
10. Bringing Up Past Mistakes During Arguments
Nobody enjoys being reminded of their past mistakes, especially in the heat of an argument. Each time you rehash old issues, you not only reopen old wounds but also signal that forgiveness hasn’t truly taken place. I’ve seen couples where one partner constantly drags up a five-year-old misstep, turning every argument into a battlefield of unresolved hurt.
If you don’t forgive your spouse for their mistakes, it will continue to affect your relationship. Forgiveness means letting go. I know it’s hard, and that’s okay. If something from the past continues to bother you, address it calmly when you’re both in a good emotional place.
Learn to argue fairly—focus on the issue at hand and avoid turning it into a laundry list of grievances. Remember, healing requires moving forward, not clinging to the past.
11. Not Setting Boundaries With The Opposite S#x
Friendships outside your marriage are healthy, but blurred lines with the opposite s#x can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. Think about how casual comments or secretive behavior might look to your spouse. I knew someone who innocently texted an old colleague late at night, thinking it was harmless—until her husband started questioning her loyalty.
If you don’t want this to happen to you, set firm boundaries and limit how you relate with the opposite s#x. Be mindful of what you share, how often you communicate, and whether it might make your spouse uncomfortable.
A good rule of thumb? If you wouldn’t say or do it in front of your partner, don’t do it at all. Protecting your marriage doesn’t limit you—it strengthens the trust that keeps your relationship alive.
12. Always Trying To Win Every Argument
Marriage isn’t a competition, but treating arguments like a game you must win will turn it into one.
Let’s say you’re arguing about something trivial, like how the dishes should be done. Instead of listening, you focus on proving that your way is better. Over time, this habit tells your partner that their opinion doesn’t matter, which can create resentment.
Arguments are inevitable, but they don’t have to be destructive. Instead of aiming to win, aim to listen. Before responding during a discussion, ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want us to be happy?”
Marriage is about partnership, not dominance. Choose kindness and compromise over being “right,” and you’ll find arguments become opportunities for growth, not division.
Quick Summary: Things You’re Doing Wrong That Will Destroy Your Marriage
You don’t have to let bad habits that can destroy your marriage win. Take charge of your marriage. Open up, share honestly, and listen with intention. Replace criticism with kindness, and make room for trust and vulnerability.
Marriage thrives when both partners feel valued and heard. The choice is yours—will you fight for connection or let these toxic habits take over? Today, commit to making a change.
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