Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. Sometimes, even the strongest unions hit rough patches and experience some issues. There are times when you might question if things are working or if you’ve strayed off course. Every marriage is unique, but there are some common signs of a bad marriage that can indicate your relationship might be struggling.
Many couples experience rough patches, but how do you know if it’s just a temporary bump or a sign of deeper trouble?
The truth is, there are often clear indicators that a marriage is in trouble. These signs can manifest in various ways. Ignoring these signs won’t make them disappear; you need to address them and look for ways to fix them.
Curious about what these signs might be? I’ve got you covered.
In this blog post, I’ll share 12 signs your marriage is in trouble and how you can solve those problems.
12 Signs Of A Bad Marriage
A happy marriage takes work, but it should also feel fulfilling and supportive. If you’re questioning your relationship, here are 12 signs that may indicate an unhappy marriage.
1. Lack Of Intimacy
Lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, is one of the most glaring signs of a bad marriage.
Intimacy isn’t just about s#x, although that’s part of it. Intimacy is about emotional connection, feeling seen, heard, and cherished by your partner. When that’s missing, it affects the foundation of your relationship.
I’ve been there. Years ago, my husband and I went through a phase in our relationship. It felt like we were roommates instead of lovers. There was a noticeable lack of intimacy. We rarely touched, let alone made love.
It wasn’t easy, but we faced it. We talked. We reconnected. And slowly, the intimacy returned, along with our love.
So, if you’re experiencing a similar situation, pay attention to some signs of an unhealthy marriage.
Are you constantly fighting? Is there a lack of communication or trust? These could be related to the lack of intimacy. Don’t ignore it. Talk to your partner, share your feelings, and work things out together.
2. Unmet Needs
One of the signs of a bad marriage is the persistent presence of unmet needs.
Unmet needs in a marriage can feel like an emptiness that won’t go away. This can manifest in different ways, from feeling emotionally neglected to having your needs consistently dismissed or ignored.
Let’s see it like a plant that’s not getting enough water or sunlight. It may survive for a while, but it won’t thrive. Similarly, when important needs go unmet in a marriage, resentment and frustration can build up over time.
For me, it started with small things. I needed emotional support after a tough day at work, but my spouse was too busy or preoccupied to notice. I longed for gestures of appreciation or a kind word, but they were few and far between. This led to feelings of neglect and frustration.
Unmet needs can create a growing chasm between partners. If you find yourself in this situation, communicate your needs clearly and seek solutions together.
Remember, a healthy marriage is a partnership where both partners deserve to feel valued, and the key is communication.
3. Lack Of Shared Values
Love is important, but it’s not always enough.
A healthy marriage is built on a foundation of shared values and mutual respect. If you and your partner are completely on different pages when it comes to the important things, it’s going to be a constant problem. It can lead to resentment, lack of intimacy, and ultimately, the end of your relationship.
A lack of shared values can show up in many ways. Maybe you disagree on how to raise children, how to spend money, or what constitutes a fulfilling life. When these fundamental differences go unaddressed, they become clear signs of a bad marriage.
My husband and I once argued about finances. He’s a saver, I’m a bit of a spender. This small difference created massive rifts until we learned to compromise and appreciate our unique perspectives.
So, reflect on your values and those of your partner. Are they aligned? Are there any signs that you’re compatible with each other? If not, it’s time to have an honest conversation. It might not be easy, but it could save your marriage.
4. Infidelity
Infidelity is a devastating strike to any marriage and one of the most painful signs you are in a bad marriage. It shatters trust, creates deep emotional wounds, and leaves a trail of doubt and insecurity.
While some couples can rebuild their relationship after an affair, it’s a long and difficult road.
A few years ago, a close friend confided in me about her husband’s affair. It was a bad time for her, as I watched her grapple with the pain of betrayal and the uncertainty of her future. It was a turning point in their relationship, and sadly, they couldn’t recover.
In many cases, infidelity is a symptom of deeper problems in the marriage. It may be a sign that one or both partners are feeling neglected, unloved, or disconnected. It could also signal a lack of communication, intimacy, or respect. These are all signs of a bad marriage, and addressing them is crucial, whether or not infidelity has occurred.
5. Unhealthy Dependence
In my early twenties, I was in a relationship where I literally couldn’t function without my then-partner’s input. From what to wear to major life choices, I relied on him completely. It felt safe, but looking back, it was a major red flag and one of the signs of a bad marriage.
Unhealthy dependence can suffocate a relationship faster than you can say “codependent”. It eats up your individuality until you can barely recognize yourself.
So, let’s see it this way, a healthy relationship involves two independent individuals coming together to share their lives, not two halves trying to make a whole. It’s about mutual support, not complete reliance. Each person should maintain their individuality while supporting each other. If you’re nodding along, it’s time to take a step back and reassess. You’re strong enough to stand on your own two feet.
6. Physical Or Emotional Abuse
Abuse, whether physical or emotional, is one of the signs of a toxic relationship. I’ve seen the devastating impact it has on individuals and families, leaving deep scars that can take years to heal. It’s a painful reality that no one should have to endure.
Physical abuse is often the most visible, with evidence of bruises, broken bones, or worse. But emotional abuse can be as damaging, if not more so. It damages your self-worth, leaving you feeling isolated, worthless, and alone.
A bad marriage doesn’t have to be a life sentence. If you’re experiencing either type of abuse, it’s not your fault, and you deserve so much better.
7. Unwillingness To Compromise
Compromise is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s about finding a middle ground, where both partners feel heard and respected. It’s not about one person always getting their way, nor is it about sacrificing your own needs and desires. It’s about finding a balance, a way to move forward together.
When compromise is absent, it makes things look bad between the parties in the relationship and it’s one of the bad marriage signs.
If you find yourself or your partner constantly refusing to make compromises, it might be time to pause and reflect. Are you both working towards a shared vision or are your individual desires pulling you apart?
Remember, a marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship and compromise is not about you losing; it’s about finding a way to win together.
8. Seeking Comfort Elsewhere
Finding comfort outside the marriage is a clear signal that something is amiss. This is obviously one of the signs of a bad marriage.
When your spouse starts turning to friends, co-workers, or strangers for emotional support instead of you, it’s a red flag.
Seeking comfort elsewhere doesn’t always mean infidelity. I had a friend who would spend hours scrolling through Facebook, engaging more with online friends than with her husband. This escape was her way of coping with the unhappiness she felt in her marriage.
While these distractions might offer temporary relief, they don’t address the root problem.
Remember, a marriage is a team effort. It takes two to build it up, and it takes two to let it fall apart.
9. Fantasizing About Other Relationships
Fantasizing about other relationships can be a sign of a bad marriage. It’s not about judging those daydreams but about recognizing what they are trying to tell you. Are you feeling neglected or unappreciated in your marriage? Are there unmet needs or desires you’re yearning for?
It’s normal for us to have fantasies about other people. But when those daydreams start to dominate your thoughts, interfere with your marriage, and become a frequent escape, it’s time to take a look at your marriage.
These daydreams might be your mind signaling a need for change, whether that means addressing underlying issues in your marriage or re-evaluating if it’s the right path for you.
10. Frequent Arguments And Misunderstanding
Marriage is not always sunshine and roses. There are going to be disagreements, that’s just part of being in a relationship with another human being! But when those disagreements become something that happens every now and then, well, that might be a sign that something needs attention and one of the top signs of a bad marriage.
I remember a time when my husband and I seemed to argue about everything. From whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher, to what TV show to watch, it felt like we were constantly on edge. We’d end these fights feeling hurt and resentful; like we were speaking different languages.
Now, don’t get me wrong, every couple argues. It’s normal and healthy to disagree sometimes. But when arguments become frequent, heated, and unresolved, it’s a sign of a deeper issue.
Don’t let frequent arguments and misunderstandings destroy your marriage. You can turn those arguments into healthy discussions and get your relationship back on track.
11. Unresolved Conflict
Arguments happen in every marriage, even the best ones. But what happens when those fights never get settled?
When you have the same argument over finances, chores, or in-laws for months on end, with no resolution in sight? That is one of the major signs of trouble in your marriage.
Remember that time you and your spouse had a fight about something in your marriage? Days turned into weeks, and suddenly you were sleeping on opposite sides of the bed. That’s what unresolved conflicts can cause, they expand things and destroy intimacy.
Now, I’m not saying you have to ignore or overlook some issues because you want to avoid having conflict. But there should be some effort to find common ground, even if it’s just agreeing to disagree sometimes. You’re a team, and teams work best when you can both communicate and compromise.
12. Loss Of Individuality
Have you ever felt like you’re slowly disappearing in your marriage? Like your hobbies, your dreams, and your uniqueness are all fading away? This is a classic sign of a bad marriage. I’ve seen it happen to friends, family, and even in my own past relationships. It’s a subtle shift, but a dangerous one.
Your individuality is a precious part of who you are, and it deserves to be celebrated, not stifled.
It might start with little things, like your partner criticizing your interests, making you feel silly for enjoying your solo activities or pushing you to adopt their hobbies instead of yours. Over time, it can affect your sense of self, leaving you feeling lost and unfulfilled.
A healthy marriage is a partnership, not a possession. You should both be able to grow as individuals while supporting each other’s dreams.
5 Ways To Fix A Bad Marriage
Many couples have faced many challenges in their marriage and come out stronger on the other side. So, if you are having a crisis in your marriage, don’t be worried. You can still fix things in your marriage.
Here are five ways I’ve personally tested and can vouch for that can help you know how to save your marriage even if you feel hopeless.
1. Have Open And Honest Conversations About Each Other’s Feelings
Communication is the foundation of a strong relationship.
Remember those late-night chats you used to have, where you poured your hearts out to each other? It’s time to bring those back.
Have honest and open conversations about how you’re feeling, what you’re struggling with, and what your hopes are for the future. Don’t hold anything back, give your partner the chance to express themselves too, and hear them out.
2. Make Time For Each Other
Life gets busy, but don’t let your marriage become a casualty of your busyness.
Create a dedicated time for each other and try some bonding activities for married couples. It could be a weekly date night, a weekend getaway, or a quiet evening at home. Put away the phones, turn off the TV, and reconnect with the person you fell in love with.
3. Work Together To Understand The Root Causes Of Your Problems
Marital problems are like invasive plants; you can keep trimming them down, but they will keep growing back unless you dig up the roots.
Sometimes, arguments are just the tip of the iceberg. There might be deeper issues lurking beneath the surface like past hurts, unfulfilled needs, or unrealistic expectations.
Work together to know the root of your problems. If you can’t handle all the problems alone, you can both seek help from a therapist. Once you understand the “why” behind your struggles, you can work on the “how” to fix them.
To resolve things, you must be willing to quit doing some things in your relationship if you want to fix your marriage and enjoy peace of mind.
4. Let Go Of Past Issues And Resentments That Are Holding You Back
We all make mistakes. Holding onto past grievances is like carrying a heavy luggage, it slows you down and makes it hard to move forward. But if you want to move forward, you need to let go of many things by forgiving your spouse.
Forgiveness is not always easy to do, but it’s necessary if you want to fix your marriage.
Talk about those old hurts, try to see things from your partner’s perspective, and then decide to let it go. It’s like wiping the slate clean and starting a new chapter together.
5. Be Willing To Put In The Effort And Make Changes To Improve The Relationship
Fixing a marriage takes effort from both partners. If you want to fix your marriage, you must be ready to compromise and put in the work.
You can attend couples therapy together or make more effort to show your love and appreciation for each other. You must be willing to change, adapt, and put your partner’s needs above yours.
In Summary: Signs Of A Bad Marriage
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but addressing these signs of a bad marriage can help you fix your marriage and make things work more better.
Don’t wait for things to get worse. Take action now to rebuild the intimacy and strengthen your bond.
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