We have had discussions – with the general public and in-house about so many life problems but this ranks high in our list. ‘How to say no to your boyfriend nicely’ is of the most delicate subjects you would see us discuss because this is a situation where you are right and wrong in the same sentence.
Regardless of who is in front of you, when the connection is there alongside feelings and the relation is defined (boyfriend, fiancé, husband), it is quite hard to just say no; that being said, sometimes this is all that is left to say.
Just like they say the body needs some good loving from time to time that is the same way it doesn’t need that every time.
Hence, there is a need to know how to say no in bed because the chances are high for him to want it at a time when that is far from what is on his mind.
Care should be taken especially when things like this are said to people you claim to love because one mistake in your approach could cost you more than just one night of pleasure.
When love is a factor between two people, every ‘no’ seems more painful than it would be normally and this is normal.
The reason for this is mainly the connection you have heard; they automatically feel like that is enough to make you want to sacrifice heaven and earth on their behalf.
This however is not going to be the case because no matter how much we would like to sacrifice, thinking about ourselves too is important in a relationship.
Someone once said it is better not to do a thing than to do it when your mind isn’t there and the truth found between these lines was what brought it back to mind when this question was brought forward.
Would you rather just do it; have intercourse because he wants to and then go to bed unhappy just to save your relationship?
The last phrase in that sentence however is wrong, a relationship where one party is unhappy is heading for doom, there is no saving there. So how about you find out how to say no to your boyfriend nicely.
When done right, the probability that he goes on angry is very drastically reduced. Also, in the long run, this is a healthy practice to help keep the fire burning in your relationship.
However, it doesn’t matter how well you put on a show when trying to say no. You might follow the best manual on how to say no to a guy who wants to sleep with you and still get a very terrible reaction from him. This is because people grew up different and have different reactions to things.
So, we tried to touch all areas of how to go about it and also what to do when things are not just working well even after you executed all you learned when you searched how to say no to your boyfriend nicely.
How To Say No To A Guy Without Hurting Him – A 13 Part Guide
This is not one of those lists where we say some can work and some will not, here we suggest all the steps are looked at because a combination will help you prevent things from escalating, and also it would show you what to do when things don’t go according to plan for you.
So, if you are looking for how to say no to your boyfriend nicely then I employ you to follow our 13 steps carefully when next your answer to intercourse is no;
1. Be A Dove While At It
There wouldn’t be any better way to say this because you know what you are about to do would hurt him. So being gentle is how to say no to your boyfriend nicely because going with the rude approach would only make things worse.
Understand where he is coming from, even if this is not someone with strong emotional attachments with you – the fact that you are alone together sleeping on the same bed shows some connection.
Also, there is the probability that signals have been sent unknowingly to you and he is acting on what he thinks is a green light.
He thinks you invited him to spend the night because you wanted to have something to do with him but then all you needed was someone to talk to. Even if you know how to tell a guy you don’t want to sleep with him yet, you must go gentle about things when you break the news.
2. ‘Why’ Is Important
First, we must say one thing – you don’t owe him a love-making session that would lead to a mind-blowing climax. However, for the sake of what you share and the love that exists between the two of you, you mustn’t just say no.
They deserve to know why you said no to them. This is one way to reduce the pain that comes with the fact that their girlfriend or fiancé said no to them in the bedroom.
It could be one of many reasons depending on you. Sometimes you could be having a bad day at work and all you need to do is eat and sleep because there will also be a long day tomorrow.
You could have just received your monthly visitor and intercourse when your flow is on is something you are not prepared for. Like we said, one of many reasons but whatever the reason is, it is important that you explain and don’t just say no.
3. Don’t Bring It Up Late
The problem we face most times is that before we say that we do not want to do the things he wants to do, it is already too late.
There is a high chance he hinted at what he wanted before you came over for the weekend or probably you already know this is what he would want to do when you get to him.
When this is a known fact, how to say no to your lover is to let him know as early as possible that there would be no such thing on that day.
Letting him know early most times reduces the stress some men have to go through preparing for what the night would be.
This also reduces the stress you might have to face telling him no when he is naked in front of you because it is harder at this point than it would have been if you told him that in the morning.
Also, giving him prior nothing will give you a clearer picture of what to expect when you get there, you know if going to his place or meeting him is a good decision.
4. Let Them Know Everything
Sometimes the issue is not even the fact that you don’t want to do anything, the issue is you want to do some and avoid the others. This is normal and there is nothing to feel bad or ashamed about here.
Some of us would just opt to say no because we think it is weird not doing all when you want to do some. Someone would ask, why to go through the stress of school only to miss the exams but sometimes that just wants you to want.
You may want to kiss and cuddle but penetration is not part of the agenda, most times it is important that he knows this is your plan. Who knows, he might be down to do those things and sacrifice not doing the rest, this way it is a win situation for all parties involved.
So, if you are looking for how to say no to your boyfriend nicely, we suggest if any, you tell him about the things you would be winning to do with him and where the boundaries are that cannot be crossed.
5. Appreciate The Dude
This might sound so funny and unrealistic but it is what it is at the end of the day. Before you give him the bad news it is always nice to start with something nice and good.
So, tell him how well he makes you feel in bed and all the things you won’t do to him in bed then you can tell him, he has to wait for some other time. This is how to say no to your boyfriend nicely, play with his mind – let him know that he is and will always be the man but then just for today you don’t want to do things his way.
The thing is most times the man is forced to second guess himself and that hurts even more, that ‘is she turning me down this time because I am not good enough question’ hits all men and this is why a little bit of reassurance that he is still the one in charge of giving your mind-blowing climax to intercourse is important.
Here are 30 Hot Things To Say In Bed To A Man to boost his ego massively.
6. Fix Another Day For That
If you are looking for how to tell a guy you don’t want to sleep with him anymore, our best bet after being nice and telling him the reason why is to reschedule whatever it is he wants.
For whatever reason you gave him, he should just have the sense of hope even if it is false. Once he knows that there is gold at the end of the rainbow, he would most likely wait patiently to have it.
A little ‘Baby, can we do this in the morning when I am up because I am tired, babe, I promise to make all your dress come through tomorrow night just let me sleep tonight’ would go a long way in calming his nerves and helping you avoid situations that you are not prepared to handle.
7. Avoid What Would Lead To It
Since you know that intercourse or anything on that line is not something you desire at that time, it is important to avoid it. Not just avoiding it, it is important to make sure you avoid situations that would lead to it or the thought of it.
You cannot start making out with your boyfriend and expect him not to react, at some point he would get erect, and then you are faced with the challenge of telling him no simply because you didn’t want to avoid the road that leads there.
8. It Doesn’t Mean Intimacy Is Thrown Away
Fine, you do not want to make love to this man and you are searching for how to tell someone you don’t want to sleep with them.
When that result is found, you must make sure your lack of desire in intercourse doesn’t chase intimacy out of your bedroom that night. Kiss your man, having at the back of your mind that too much can send mixed signals about what you want.
Cuddle also, enjoys the feel of each other’s body, that way he knows you want him even if at that time, you don’t give him what he wants. Here are Simple Ways To Boost Intimacy In The Bedroom.
9. Find Something Else To Do With That Time
The time can’t be left unattended especially when you are both together. once that happens, his mind would always keep going back to why it didn’t happen and why it should happen.
He is busy thinking of how he can convince you to change your decision and when that takes the whole night, he wakes up angry and grumpy.
We are looking at how to say no to your boyfriend nicely, so letting your man wake up angry, grumpy, and unsatisfied isn’t the best way to play things. So, suggest something else maybe a movie or games.
10. Sometimes, All You Need Is A Jump Start
We are not saying this will be the case most times but then on rare occasions, you are unsure if you want to so you end up saying no. In situations like this what you need is a jump start and it is helpful for you to be honest when this is the case. It saves both of you a lot of time quarreling and arguing.
It now all boils down to if he can turn you on or if h can’t but you have to be honest with him. ‘I am not sure I want to do this right now; can we just talk and see if you convince me along the line’, this is simply how to say no to your boyfriend nicely.
11. ‘No’ Is A Full Sentence
There is no way this can be overemphasized, regardless of who this man is to you or what you share with him; you do not owe anybody anything.
No one has the right to lay a claim to anything in your belonging especially if that thing is your body. Although we have said you should explain the reason for saying no, sometimes just saying no should be okay.
He is your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, and sacrifice is included in the job description, so if they cannot do that, what is it that you are doing with them in the first place. Sometimes just saying no is how to say no to your boyfriend nicely.
12. Leave, If He Doesn’t Understand
Sometimes this is the only thing left for you to do, when the situation looks like it is getting out of hand and all the options have been exhausted, we suggest that you find your way out of the same environment so you don’t hurt yourself.
No matter how gentle and polite you make it, it doesn’t even matter how many ‘how to say no to your boyfriend nicely’ manuals you read, a stupid man will always be one, so it is important to know when the situation becomes more than what words can handle.
When this happens between you and someone you love, we would even suggest that you take a closer look at the relationship and ask yourself if that is where you would rather be.
If it is not, we will advise you to use the experience as an eye-opener and call off the relationship before it turns out to be even worse.
13. When It Finally Happens, Make Sure It Was Worth The Wait
This may not be classified as one of the tips on how to say no to your lover but it still counts for something. If you have rescheduled a date for some good loving, we suggest that you prepare accordingly and make sure he celebrates the night he listened to you and didn’t force his will and desires on you. This way when next you tell him to wait for some other time, he will happily oblige.
To say no in bed especially is one of the most difficult things to do especially when emotions are attached to things but this is one task that must be done from time to ensure that every party involved is happy in the relationship.
For this to happen without any grievances, we suggest that these 13 steps are followed carefully when next he is with you and you are not in the mood to be part of pleasure yourself or someone else.
For more relationship advice, check out Things A Man Really Wants In A Relationship, Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship and Signs Of A Toxic Relationship.
Pin this for later!